17 People Who Were Hilariously Oblivious To The Fact That Someone Was Hitting On Them
A while ago, we asked the BuzzFeed Community to share a somewhat embarrassing type of story: We wanted to hear about when they missed COMPLETELY obvious signals that someone was flirting with them. Here are some of the funniest ones:
1.We love a respectful king:
"In college, I had a girl sitting on my lap, topless, no bra, complaining that she couldn’t find any good men. I never touched her because I thought she was just complaining and needed a sympathetic ear. It wasn’t until years later that she told me that she’d never felt less sexy nor more rejected."
2.This guy couldn't have been more obvious if he was holding a neon sign:
"I was talking with a guy at a party being held in our apartment building about guitars. We were comparing brands and types when he started hinting at seeing mine. I was confused and said, 'Why do you need to see my guitar? It's nothing special.' He then kept talking about maybe I should play him some songs. Again, I said, 'Why would we do that? We are having fun here!' After he left, I realized he wanted to go back to my place. Oops!"
—anonymous
3.I picture them turning around like "!!!" right as the door was clicking shut:
"I was hanging out over this girl's apartment, just talking and drinking beer, when she says, 'I'm going to change.' She comes out in a really skimpy nighty, and I — being the genius I am — tell her, 'I guess you're going to bed; see you later.' The realization hit me right when the door closed."
—anonymous
4.This is the epitome of "Anyway, here's 'Wonderwall'":
"We were both sergeants in the Marine Corps. I had a room for two in the barracks, and my bunkie was out of town. She heard I had a piano in the room and invited herself over to sing along. After a few hours, she looked at me and said, 'I think it's okay for friends to have casual sex.' I, being inexperienced with forward women and totally clueless, said, 'That's nice,' and launched into the next song. When we finished, she had this disappointed look on her face, blurted an awkward goodbye, and left. It was years before I figured out what was going on."
—anonymous
5.This poor guy, LOL:
"I was in my early twenties and had only dated college guys, and this hot, slightly older (late twenties) guy at work I was friendly with started talking to me about some computer design program I was using. He said I was really good at it, that he had no idea how to use it, and invited me to come to his house to show him how to do it. I told him it's really not that difficult to use and I could show him at work. He said he had a new computer; it was different from what we had at the office, and I should come over. He said he'd make me dinner too and that he had just put in a nice new deck we could eat on with a nice view. I, still oblivious, told him the program doesn't really change from computer to computer, and I could show him at work. Huge facepalm. He was a really nice, attractive guy who had it all together, and I just did not get it. It wasn't until YEARS later, watching a movie where something similar happened, that I realized what happened."
—anonymous
6.Sweet summer child:
"I'm a gay man with ZERO game. Let's just start there. But I went to Vegas for the first time last year with some friends, and we were walking the stores on the Strip at night, mostly shopping for goodies to take back to friends and family. We were in this giant candy store, and when I went to pay, the cashier was this young, cute guy. As he was scanning my products, he was making what I thought was small talk, asking how long I was staying, what I'd seen so far, what my plans were, etc. I thought he was just being super nice, and I indulged him in conversation. He kept smiling at me and being very sweet and nice, and when I finished paying, he let me know what time he got off work, and I was like, 'Oh, cool. Hope you get home safe!'"
—anonymous
7.She was so helpful though, that's worth something:
"I (F26) stayed up late one night with a group of friends, and talk got pretty deep about different things we've tried. The next day, one of the girls invited me to her room and started telling me how she'd never masturbated and asked if I had any suggestions about how she could get started. Being straight and engaged to be married, it never crossed my mind that she was making a pass at me, and I just gave her some heartfelt advice and encouragement. Seriously, YEARS later I was thinking about that day, and it suddenly dawned on me."
—anonymous
8.To be fair, campus food can be kinda mid:
"Once when I was sitting alone studying at the union on campus, a guy came over and asked if I knew any good places to go grab a bite. I said no, I didn’t know of any good place around here, so he just stood there a minute and left. Lol, completely missed that one."
—anonymous
9.Tryna get a Challengers situation going here:
"I was taking a math course, and we formed a study group with three of us: two male friends and myself. Towards the end of the course, one of the guys called me up one night and asked if I wanted to get together. I thought he was talking about studying, so I said sure, give the other guy a call too, and we can meet up somewhere. Needless to say, we never studied together again."
—anonymous
10.Oooooopsie:
"I was acquainted with the hot guy in school; we had mutual friends. We flirted back and forth in jest, or so I thought. We had exchanged numbers at his insistence, but I didn’t think anything of it. One day a group of us were going to the pub so I invited him. I also invited a guy I met while clubbing the night before. 'Hot Guy Acquaintance' walks up to our group at the pub, and I merrily shout, 'Hey, you made it!' He then leans in for a hug and whispers, 'Look at you, bringing sand to the beach!' It has been years and I still feel the shock from the realization of what he meant."
—anonymous
11.Please tell me they went on the date with the other girl and spent the whole time asking how to get THIS person to go out with them:
"When I was studying abroad in Copenhagen, this other American in the class kept trying so hard to connect with me. They would ask me what I was doing after class or ask me if I wanted to join them on an adventure in the city. They even got my Snapchat, and I would (legitimately) always have an excuse like, 'Sorry, I have to study,' or weirdly, 'Sorry, I’m teaching my Danish roommate my abuelita’s recipe tonight.' They even tried making me jealous by telling me about this girl they met in the bar who gave them her number and asked me, 'What would you want me to say if it was you?' And I deadass took their phone out of their hands, typed some back and forth, and gave it back saying, 'I got you — you’re meeting her for drinks later.' It wasn’t until I was telling that story to my friends once I was back home that they yelled at me for being so dense."
—anonymous
12."Okay":
"A guy told me he had an extra ticket to a concert and that he could bring me. I said I didn’t like the band, but my sister did, and she might buy it. Then he said, 'Well, I wasn’t trying to sell it.' I then said, 'Okay,' and walked off. Completely oblivious."
—anonymous
13.Trust me, nobody who works in retail wants to put lotion on you unless they're into you:
"My best friend still gives me shit for when he took me to a Lush store for the first time and my oblivious gay ass somehow failed to register that the cute, tattooed salesgirl enthusiastically 'demonstrating' a body scrub on my arm was, in fact, flirting with me and not just being overly welcoming to a brand new Lush customer."
14.Say it with me...D'OH:
"I was living in Milwaukee and working retail. [A player] for the Milwaukee Bucks came into my store with his parents, and his mother is the same nationality as me, which is Serbian, from my father’s side. The teenagers that were working that night were starstruck, but I played it cool. I completed his order, and he kept trying to make small talk with me like he was waiting for me to give him my number. A couple of weeks later, his mom came in to the store and started asking me questions about myself, like my heritage, etc. I politely answered her questions and did my job, not realizing she was trying to set me up with her son. I had a boyfriend at the time, and had I known twenty years later he wasn’t worth the time and energy, I would’ve gone out with an NBA player to become an NBA wife."
15.To be fair, heat stroke is real:
"When I was 12, I was on a field trip and started talking with a guy from my class inside an air-conditioned building because it was incredibly hot outside that day. I don’t remember everything we talked about, but it was nothing particularly unusual. Then, he asked me, 'Do you wanna go out?' And I said, 'Nah, it’s way too hot outside.' 🤣🤣🤣 Sorry my guy, I hope you had better luck with the next one."
16.Well, I hope she had better luck at the bar:
"I‘ve got a long list, but probably my most memorable was not long after I graduated and my next-door neighbour came to my house. I was outside, and it was around 10 p.m. She asked me if I wanted to come over and watch a movie with her because her family wasn’t home. Without a second thought, I said, 'Sorry, I can’t.' I was actually on my way to meet her best friend, who wanted me to teach her how to drive a manual. Again, without thinking, I invited her along, and she agreed to go. I taught them both how to drive a manual, but my neighbour wasn’t too interested, and she just hung out. By 11:30, I had them both dropped off at home, said have a good night and went to the bar! Hindsight is always 20/20, but looking back, it’s still a bit fuzzy."
17.And finally, here's proof that even when you're direct, it can still backfire:
"My high school boyfriend was, prior to dating, a good friend of mine. So, naturally, when he asked me on the way to first period if I wanted to go out, my response was, 'Out where?' Not my finest moment."
Do you have a story like this? If so, let us know about it in the comments, or use this anonymous form!
Submissions may have been edited for length or clarity.
