Millie Bobby Brown, Bon Jovi's son and the truth about getting married in your early 20s
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Is it a good or terrible idea to get married when you're young?
In an era where more and more young adults seem to either be putting off marriage or deciding to forgo it entirely, some young stars are choosing to say "I do" and wed while in their early 20s.
Recently, these celebrities have included 20-year-old "Stranger Things" star Millie Bobby Brown, who married Jon Bon Jovi's 22-year-old son Jake Bongiovi reportedly late last month, and Sofia Richie, who married music executive Elliot Grainge at the age of 24 last year. Richie, now 25, announced the birth of her and Grainge's first child last month.
Therapists tell USA TODAY there's no such thing as a universal "right" time to get married. That time is going to depend on each couple as well as their relationship and family goals; however, they say there are important factors to consider when discerning the right time to tie the knot.
"It's whatever works for a couple, and that means whatever works for them individually and as a unit, not what works best for their families, not what works best for their friends," psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis says. "It's what they want to do."
When marrying young is the right call
On the whole, marriage rates in the United States have slowed. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, marriage and divorce rates of women age 15 and older have declined from 2011 to 2021, and a 2019 report from Pew Research Center found three in 10 people view marriage as not important to living a fulfilling life.
Still, plenty of people want to get married eventually. A February Pew Research Center report found 69% of adults age 18 to 34 who have never been married say they do want to get married one day.
The U.S. Census Bureau, however, also found young adults are putting off marriage far longer than previous generations did: In 2023, the median age for men upon their first marriage was around 30, while for women it was around 28. In the 1950s, those figures were around 22 and 20, respectively.
Though it's not as common today, getting married young still has plenty of benefits. Sarkis says that the early 20s can bring major change and upheaval to people's lives − and navigating this period with a spouse can both make these challenges easier and strengthen a couple's bond.
Additionally, being with the same person from young adulthood can help cement a relationship and give common ground upon which to build a marriage.
The timing of when to get married, Sarkis says, "has more to do with the maturity level of the people that are getting married (and) the reasons for getting married."
Jon Bon Jovi says Millie Bobby Brown 'looked gorgeous' during wedding to son Jake Bongiovi
As for Brown, she's said she's known quite clearly that Bongiovi was "the one."
"You can't pinpoint why, it's just the feeling of knowing that that's the person you want to spend the rest of your time with," she told The Sunday Times last August. "I think so much of life is overthinking. The one thing that made clear sense to me was him."
When marrying young is a bad idea
Marrying young, however, is not the right path for every person or couple, especially if you know there are issues to work through before you or your partner are ready for marriage.
For instance, Sarkis says, though personality remains pretty stable throughout adulthood, people's ideas, beliefs and worldviews can change drastically, especially in their early 20s. This can be a problem for someone who decides to get married during this time, only to change their mind on a major personal matter, like whether they want to have kids.
Older adults, Sarkis says, generally have a clearer idea of what they want out of life and their relationships than younger adults do.
More: Sofia Richie announces birth of her first child, daughter Eloise: 'Best day of my life'
What can help, she says, is talking about big, tough issues with your significant other long before marriage is on the table. Before considering marriage, you and your partner should already be on the same page about finances, family planning and other crucial matters.
Erik Anderson, a marriage and family therapist, says the age at which a couple gets married can reflect specific values that couple holds and what's most important to them in a partner. Shared religious beliefs and the desire to have a large family, for instance, can be major drivers in a couple's decision to marry sooner rather than later, he says.
More: TikTok's latest 'husband' test is going viral. Experts say something darker is going on.
He also says that, for many, finding a compatible partner takes time − and that's OK too.
"It really depends on what marriage means to you and what you want in life," he says. "If you want a life filled with meaning and depth of relationship, it may be better to marry young. If you want a life where you minimize risk of having a partner that you're not completely compatible with, it would be better to marry old."
Perhaps Bon Jovi put it best. The musician told Andy Cohen he's more concerned about his son finding a spouse he can grow together with than him getting married in his early 20s.
"I don’t know if age matters if you find the right partner and you grow together," Bon Jovi said. "That would be my advice: Growing together is wise. So I think all my kids have found people that they think they can grow together with, and we like them all."
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Millie Bobby Brown, Sofia Richie and the truth about marrying young
