NASA Has Drawn Another Giant Schlong on the Surface of Mars

Noor Al-Sibai
·2 min read

Formal Ball

To perineum... and beyond! We regret to inform you that another, significantly larger penis drawing has hit the terrain maps of Mars after a full two decades.

In an announcement last week, NASA hugely buried the lede when bragging about the latest images from its Perseverance rover, which traveled a path around the Red Planet's Mount Washburn quadrant in the shape of, well, a dick and balls.

And it would be one thing if the image was just in the shape of a penis and testicles — but given the rippled terrain Perseverance has been traversing, it's also not dissimilar to the organs' texture, either.

"The diversity of textures and compositions at Mount Washburn was an exciting discovery for the team, as these rocks represent a grab bag of geologic gifts brought down from the crater rim and potentially beyond," enthused Brad Garczynski, a Western Washington University research fellow and the co-lead of the school's science campaign who likely had no idea how his words would sound in this context.

Image via NASA/JPL-Caltech/University of Arizona
Image via NASA/JPL-Caltech/University of Arizona

Size Queen

Like we said before, this is not the first time NASA has drawn a willy on the surface of Mars — though the last one was a whole lot smaller than the Mount Washburn wang, which at its peak contains rocks that are up to 18 inches wide and 14 inches tall.

Back in 2013, images of some very interestingly-shaped track patterns from NASA's old Spirit rover made waves online nine years after they were taken in 2004 (during the Bush administration, pictured above.) As netizens pointed out way back when, those marks looked a lot like the kind of crude penis drawings that grace high school desks and bathroom stalls.

Though NASA has yet to own up to intentionally drawing dicks on Mars, Futurism celebrated the 20-year anniversary of that first phallus this past April.

Who would have thought that less than two months later, we'd be back to tell the world that there's a new, bigger penis on Mars drawn by a next-generation NASA rover?

Definitely not us — though stranger things have, of course, happened.

More on Mars: Scientists Intrigued By Almost Perfectly Circular Pit on the Surface of Mars