Survivor 43 recap: Paranoia will destroy ya

Survivor has had many incredible feats over 43 seasons. I have already exhaustively reconstructed the best moment in Survivor history to an obsessive degree, and nothing will ever take its place. I'm also not sure we will ever see a more dominant performance than what Tony Vlachos did in Winners at War.

But while the awards for best and most dominant may be all locked up (unless we get the "international Survivor showdown" Probst talked about earlier today), what we saw this week on Survivor 43 may go down as the most improbable. I'm referring, of course, to the fact that Geo Bustamante actually uttered the words "I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of excited about Tribal Council" and somehow did not get voted out of the game.

How is that even possible? How is it conceivable for a contestant to so clearly and blatantly smite the Survivor Gods with absolutely no repercussions whatsoever? Unheard of. Simply unheard of. What could possibly explain such madness? When Erika Casupanan made history by changing history, did that not only turn challenge winners into challenge losers but also transform the Survivor Gods into mere mortals? Were they eaten by "the Monster"? Are they too busy bartering for beads? What gives?

Robert Voets/CBS The cast of 'Survivor' 43

I have to wonder, because any time we have ever heard anyone talk about being giddy about going to Tribal, they are inevitably stricken down by the end of the hour. Call it the Law of Edorsson, after its patron saint, Kat Edorsson, who once told Jeff Probst "If it is going to be a blindside, it's going to be pretty funny and, like, exciting. Blindsides are always fun and exciting!" (Do I even need to reveal what happened just moments later?)

What makes Geo's apparent invincibility even more remarkable is that he followed up his one seemingly deadly statement with another open invitation for destruction, telling the camera, "I feel like I'm calling the shots right now." WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, GEO?!? It's like you are practically daring them to snuff your torch! And yet they didn't. Evidently, Jeff Probst was right: This truly is a new era of Survivor.

Instead, it was Lindsay who left the game. Yes, the same Lindsay I almost made my episode 1 pick to win it all. Man, dodged a bullet there. And the toughest thing for Lindsay will be that she appears to have no one to blame for her ouster other than herself. Like many a player before her, Lindsay went full Black Sabbath mode and became paranoid. Just last season, we heard folks say the same thing about Romeo at the merge and how he almost got himself voted out of the game because of it. For Lindsay, there was no almost.

Lindsay refused to believe she was not the target, and, in the process, made herself exactly that. She also may have made Survivor history in the process. While I am way too lazy to look this up, Lindsay may be the first person to ever be voted out by four people who all spelled her name differently. James went for Linsay. (Nope.) Ryan opted for Linsey. (Not even close.) Cassidy tried with Lyndsay (Closer). And Karla gave Lindsay a shot. (DING! DING! DING! WINNER!) Poor Linsay/Linsey/Lyndsay/Lindsay. I feel sorry for all four of them. They waited 22 years to get on the show, finally do, put themselves in an amazing position in a majority alliance, and then lost it all in a matter of hours, only because they got in their own collective head. Brutal.

Apparently, Lindsay's behavior upset the Survivor Gods more than Geo's insolence. We'll see if that gets him next week. In the meantime, let's snuggle up under some palm frond blankets and check out what else went down on episode 4 of Survivor 43.

Block Party

Look, I'm trying to be on my best behavior here in terms of random tangents and three paragraph long parentheticals, but it is taking every fiber of willpower I can muster in this pathetically weak 150-pound frame to not devote the entire rest of this recap to the fact that Jeff Probst took attendance at the Reward Challenge.

I don't understand anything about that move… and I love it. To be clear, he took attendance for the winning tribes in the last immunity challenge, so it wasn't like he was making a big show of who got voted off, because nobody from Coco and Baka got voted off! But he still was all "Let's see who's here." I don't understand. Did he not expect all of them to show up for the challenge? Like, is staying back at camp optional? Because, if so, I'm pretty sure Gabler would be back on Baka making himself the ultimate palm fronds comforter.

To be clear, I don't think Probst made any sort of mistake or anything. I think he was just being super random. And then he doubled down on that randomness and actually left it in the edit! Why would he do that? I have no idea, but I'm so happy that he did.

This was a fun reward challenge that gave us two elements we have seen plenty of times before (throw sandbags to knock blocks off a ledge, and then land sandbags on discs) but also gave us one new element that was almost as random as Probst taking attendance. Each tribe had a player that had to walk across a stretch of sand on two blocks. Why? I have no idea! But again… fun.

Robert Voets/CBS Jeff Probst on 'Survivor 43'

Vesi finally won something, although producers were probably hoping it would be a bit closer (which is why they had the targets at the end get progressively smaller; the third one was so much more difficult to land then the first two as a clear means to allow teams to catch up for a more dramatic finish). But what made Vesi's win so interesting was not the ease with which they did it, but rather the fact that they were playing for 10 fish… that they could not even eat!

That's because Vesi had no flint, and therefore no fire. So, after ending victorious, they asked Probst if they could trade their reward. "Oh boy, they're in trouble now!" I thought to myself. Probst is now going to make them give up their machete and rice to get fire to cook their fish. Or he is going to take away their ability to rob another tribe of an item. But, to my utter shock, Probst did neither of those things. His response instead? "Absolutely. You can always trade for a previous reward and give up your fish."

Hold on a second… you can always trade for a previous reward????? Huh? Is this a thing? Are Survivor players allowed to just say "No thanks!" to a reward and ask for a previous one instead? "Hey, Jeff. The spa getaway sounds great, but we'll take the blankets that other tribe got 7 days ago. Thanks, anyway!" What in the name of Elyse Umemoto is going on here? Where's the negotiation? Where's the making them work for or give up something? Also, is it just me or were you also really looking forward to watching Cody eat 10 raw fish all by himself?

Instead, the tribe received a basket of fruit and a tool kit, which seems… random. Honestly, I'm not even really complaining about this development. I'm just confused by it. I guess that was the show's workaround for the fact that they took the tribe's flint away so Vesi had no way to enjoy that challenge's reward. But if that was the case, then why offer a reward THAT REQUIRES COOKING in the first place? Make it for pizzas! Or massages! Or whatever terrible new movie that can possibly rival past terrible Survivor movie screenings like Gulliver's Travels or Jack & Jill. Playing for a prize that one team can't even enjoy seems weird. Speaking of weird, let's talk more about Cody.

The Salesman Scores

This was a really well-put together segment centered around what item Vesi would steal from either Baka or Coco. First off, you had Cody and Dwight debating which of them should go to make the decision. (Dwight's line comparing Cody leaving on the boat to sending a child off to school and not knowing how he's going to behave was so spot-on and so damn relatable. I'm shocked that came from someone without kids of his own.) You also had a Vesi disagreement over what item to steal. Cody wanted to take the machete to cripple one of the other tribes, but the others thought they should be more diplomatic.

"This tribe is missing some grit," Cody complained. "It's not about what we're getting. It's what we're inflicting." Personally, I don't think it's smart to needlessly antagonize and anger people you may need to work with later in the game (more on that later), but damn if it isn't splendid to watch. The top-notch editing continued as viewers were put in the place of the tribes themselves wondering which beach Cody would raid. In a bit of a surprise, it turned out to be Coco, with Vesi declining to go for Baka's superior fishing kit.

And then Cody took over. At first, it looked like the guy who claims to be from Idaho and Hawaii yet sounds as if he is doing a weird impersonation of Wilfred Brimley's cajun accent in Hard Target was going against the wishes of his tribemates and was opting for the machete. Instead, he proved why salespeople actually are so dangerous, turning in a truly masterful Angelina Keeley-worthy negotiating performance. By pretending he was there to take the machete, he not only got the fishing gear he actually came for, but scored some food out of it as well. He also got a lot of appreciative Coco responses… at least until Karla informed them they got played as hard as my old 1990s Sega Genesis. And that, my friends, is LIVIN!!

Picking a Side

What's this? Two challenges in an episode? Well, hello there, old school Survivor vibes! And like this previous reward challenge, this immunity competition featured some classic elements in addition to new ones as the tribes had to knock off a series of heavy sandbags, find keys to unlock a net, carry large puzzle pieces under a net, and then use those puzzle pieces to form not one, but two different puzzles.

But I don't want to talk about any of that. Nor do I want to talk about Jeff Probst's expert mid-game commentary of "Dwight is moving about as slowly as you can move and still actually be moving," although I probably should because that was hilarious… and accurate. I will pause for the cause to note how fed-up Baka seems to be with Gabler — at one point literally telling him to shut up and then later getting so annoyed with him barking things out that Owen responded with "Okay, thank you, professor. Any suggestions?"

Robert Voets/CBS The Baka tribe on 'Survivor' 43

All while this was happening, I was assuming the editors were setting the table for a Baka loss and possible move against the immunity idol-holder.  But no, Baka did not lose, due to some help from an unexpected ally — Vesi. After the red tribe finished first, they immediately started helping Baka on their triangle puzzle. The move was an extension of Vesi's decision earlier to raid the Coco camp, even though Baka had the better fishing kit.

But was it a smart decision? There are clear potential pros and cons.

PRO: You start to even out the numbers by getting the first Coco member out of the game.
CON: You lose the opportunity to even the numbers out against Baka.
PRO: You just made the 5 players on Baka very, very appreciative.
CON: You just made the 5 remaining players on Coco very, very angry.
PRO: You just formed a super inter-tribe alliance of 10 people.
CON: You just potentially put Coco in the valuable role of minority spoilers who both sides in the super inter-tribe alliance could attempt to woo as the swing votes.

Honestly, there is no way to know how that decision will shake out, but the most hilarious part about it is the fact that Dwight knocked over the Vesi puzzle as soon as they had completed it so that Baka — who was standing right next to them — could not copy off of it. And then, after a few beats, Vesi realized they wanted Baka to copy off of them, so proceeded to have to verbally explain to them how to do it, while Coco looked on dumbfounded.

In reality, I think Dwight simply got carried away with knocking puzzles down after Baka very wisely did it after finishing the first one so other teams could not copy and catch-up. But unless you are paying tribute to Michele Fitzgerald's kung-fu kick, knocking your second puzzle down makes absolutely no sense because — NEWSFLASH! — nobody can catch-up and pass you! You're already finished! You're done! Who cares? Go hug and group jump in a circle and hope that nobody leaves you hanging awkwardly on an unreciprocated high five. That's what winners do! In this case, the winners also helped select the losers. We'll see how that decision plays out long-term.

Robert Voets/CBS Lindsay Carmine on 'Survivor' 43

Friendly Fire

It seems like an odd move on the surface — getting rid of an ally instead of an adversary — but I understand why Karla, James, and Cassidy sent Lindsay packing. There is nothing more dangerous in this game that an unpredictable alliance partner. Every move in your game depends on knowing what your allies will do. You can't always predict what move your adversaries will make, but as long as you are confident that allies will do as they say, then you at least can remain assured that you are putting the best plan forward using all the knowledge at your disposal. And if you can't count on your allies to remain steady and firm in those plans, then you are truly lost. (Ask Boston Rob how things worked for him after Tyson switched his vote in Heroes vs. Villains.)

The majority alliance could have taken out Geo here, and were most likely confident Lindsay would not waver on that. But what about the next vote? Or the vote after that?  Or the merge? Would she get cold feet? Would her paranoia cause her to make a fatal misstep in the game that would bring the entire alliance crashing down. That is a risk that is often not worth taking, especially if you can get rid of the paranoid party and still keep your alliance numbers, which Karla, James, and Cassidy did.

I have a feeling Lindsay is going to have a really tough time watching this episode play back on TV. That's perhaps the hardest thing about Survivor: Not only do you need to deal with the emotional consequences of having both your torch and dream snuffed simultaneously, but you then are forced to relive the drama and trauma all over again months later when it airs on TV. And this one will be particularly brutal when Lindsay sees that nobody was, in fact, conspiring against her. Had she just pulled a James and copped a chill then she would still be in the game. But she's not. The show moves on. Hopefully Lindsay will be able to move on as well.

But we're not ready to move on. Not yet. That's because we have an exclusive deleted scene from this week's episode for you at the top of this here recap. We'll also be talking with Lindsay, but that interview will be delayed until Friday. I don't know why. I guess we could just blame Vesi for deciding to sabotage any Coco exit interviews because of their sudden white-hot hatred of the blue tribe. We can all chew on that (instead of 10 fresh fish) until next week, when I'll be back with another scoop of the crispy.

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