Taylor Hill Shares She Suffered "Devastating" Miscarriage
Originally appeared on E! Online
Taylor Hill is detailing a past hardship.
The Victoria Secret model recently shared she experienced a miscarriage after she became unexpectedly pregnant while on birth control.
"About three years ago, I had a miscarriage," Taylor explained on the June 17 episode of Jay Shetty's On Purpose podcast. "It was a really strange circumstance under which I had my miscarriage. I had an IUD. I had it for about three years—so I wasn't actively trying to get pregnant. I wasn't in the headspace at all to be pregnant."
Although less than one percent of those who have used an IUD for a year or more can become pregnant, according to the National Library of Medicine, it is possible. As the 28-year-old noted, "It can happen of course. It happened to me."
And while Taylor—whose now-husband Daniel Fryer was in London at the time due to COVID restrictions—didn't want to be pregnant initially, she decided to carry on with the gestation after learning it was not an ectopic pregnancy.
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"My pregnancy was in my uterus, it was viable and technically healthy," Taylor noted. "The circumstances and environment on which I conceived was a bit of a turbulent environment. My doctor said, ‘We don't really know what's going to happen here because you conceived in an environment where your body is telling you you shouldn't be pregnant because of the IUD and also if we remove it we're changing the environment. We don't know, 50/50 on whether you're going to carry this out.'"
Ultimately though, the model recalled her initial feelings of fear and anxiety toward the unexpected pregnancy began to shift into joy.
"You do get excited," she added. "I was trying to stay as neutral as I possibly could, but it was difficult. I was shocked. I was confused. I was feeling fear. But at the same time, I'm gonna marry this person. I love this person. I want to have a family with this person. I'm 25, that's still young but I feel somewhat ready if I was to have a child."
Then, about nine weeks into her pregnancy, Taylor explained that she started to spot, and a week later a miscarriage began to take place.
"It starts happening and I'm alone in my house," Taylor said, tearing up. "I call my husband and I'm just devastated because I know this is about to happen to me. We're both crying. And I could just tell he was so heartbroken that he couldn't be there. I think that was really painful for him, too."
Although Taylor had kept news of her pregnancy loss between her close friends and family, she decided to share her story because her dog, Tate, who passed away last year, helped her through the struggle of losing a child.
"He was there for me in so many ways," she said of her dog. "And how can I share that without sharing something that I went through that he was there for me for? I'm grieving the shared experiences we've had."
Taylor explained that after losing her dog last July, she's reflecting on everything they went through together—especially her miscarriage, which she still has unresolved feelings toward.
"It was so strange and just all the things," Taylor noted. "It was really just—two things can be true at once. Even with some time and space and some perspective: relief. Wow the timing wasn't right. Everything happens for a reason. I wasn't ready to be a mother. I wasn't ready to have a child."
But still she's has a lot of complex emotions about what could have been.
"I'm absolutely devastated that I'm not a mother and I don't have a child," she added. "That makes no sense. How can you feel both of those things? I don't know. I don't know how to talk about this. How do I make this make sense? In terms of miscarriages, sometimes they don't make sense."
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