13-Year-Old Child Development Milestones
Everything you need to know about 13-year-old milestones—from physical and cognitive developments to emotional and social development.
Medically reviewed by Bree Lustre, MDMedically reviewed by Bree Lustre, MD
As your child transitions from a 12-year-old kid to a 13-year-old adolescent, you are bound to see some interesting changes. Not only will your child make a mental shift as they begin to view themselves as teenagers, but they will also be experiencing a variety of physical and emotional changes.
For instance, your 13-year-old may become sensitive to their changing bodies or take notice of the changes in their peers if they are slower to develop. This can lead to insecurity and anxiety in some kids. For parents, this time period can sometimes feel challenging because you may have your own concerns while also struggling to make sense of your teen's worries. But rest assured, the teen years do not have to be tumultuous and can be some of the most rewarding years of parenting if you know what to expect.
Read on to learn about the development of an average 13-year-old, including what to expect cognitively, physically, emotionally, and socially. Plus, learn how to keep your teen safe at this age.
Parents / Emily Roberts
13-Year-Old Language and Cognitive Milestones
While 13-year-olds have fairly good problem-solving skills, they also have difficulty thinking about the future. They may also struggle to think about the consequences of their behavior before they act. This has to do with different parts of their brains developing at slightly different rates.
"Although 13-year-olds are starting to have a more concrete thinking style, their brains are still developing," says Florencia Segura, MD, FAAP, a pediatrician with Einstein Pediatrics in the Washington D.C. metro area. "They also tend to be very self-conscious at this age and have a tendency to believe they are the center of attention. If they have a pimple, then everyone is looking at it."
Here are some other 13-year-old cognitive milestones:
Abstract thinking: Thirteen-year-olds are also developing the ability to think abstractly. Instead of only thinking in terms of tangible objects, they begin to understand concepts such as faith and trust. They may also think they are unique or believe that no one understands them. As they mature, they will develop a better understanding of the world and how other people perceive them.
Pushing boundaries: It is common for 13-year-olds to think they are immune to anything bad happening to them, Dr. Segura says. Consequently, they may be more likely to challenge family rules or school rules. "They know what is right and wrong but may still push the limits," she says. "They are beginning to break out of that childhood mold." Teens this age also may become concerned with moral issues as they are able to grasp abstract concepts and are likely to recognize that breaking rules under certain conditions is not always wrong.
Using more figurative language: As far as language development, most 13-year-olds communicate similarly to adults. They comprehend abstract language, such as figurative language and metaphors, and they may become less literal and more figurative as they mature.
More difficulty in school: "Depending on the child, they also may find school more challenging, such as math getting harder," says Jonathan Jassey, DO, FAAP, a pediatrician and father of three in Bellmore, New York. "As a result, their cognition in school may be challenged as they are learning and handling more."
Additional 13-Year-Old Cognitive Developments
Other cognitive skills at this age include:
Develop skills needed when using logic
Can solve problems that have more than one variable
Question authority figures
Tend to reject solutions offered by parents
Find justice and equality to be important issues
13-Year-Old Physical Milestones
Most 13-year-old teens are dealing with the emotional and physical changes that accompany puberty, so it's normal for your teen to feel uncertain, moody, sensitive, and self-conscious at times. During this time, it becomes more important than ever to fit in with peers.
Physical milestones your 13-year-old may experience include:
Growing taller
Gaining weight
Starting their menstrual cycle
Deepening voice
Increase in muscle mass
Developing body hair
Sweating more and associated body odor
Developing acne
Teens with ovaries tend to become fully physically developed during middle adolescence and those with testicles reach physical maturity during late adolescence. "Physical development is variable depending on the teen," says Dr. Jassey. Usually, teens with ovaries start puberty between age 9 and 14, while those with testicles begin puberty between 10 and 15. On the flip side, you will 13-year-olds who have not started puberty yet.
Things to watch out for
This rapidly changing physical appearance can lead to self-conscious feelings. Sometimes, teens struggle with appearance-related issues, such as acne or being overweight. Body image issues, such as eating disorders, may also develop during the teen years, Dr. Segura says.
Eating disorders can occur with all genders, she says. "If you notice they are starting to be restrictive with food, overeating, experiencing weight loss, or hiding food, you need to talk to a health care provider about what you are witnessing."
13-Year-Old Emotional and Social Milestones
Thirteen-year-olds are dealing with hormonal shifts that can contribute to their mood swings. Add school stress or peer problems and their moods may seem to shift from minute to minute. Remember, your young teen is on the road to becoming an independent person who wants to make their own decisions about their body, their activities, and their friends.
Here are some 13-year-old social and emotional milestones to expect:
Self-consciousness: At this age, most teens feel like the world revolves around them. They might think everyone is staring at them, or they may assume everyone else’s behavior is somehow because of them, explains Dr. Segura. For example, when a friend doesn't text back, they might assume they are mad rather than assuming the friend is busy.
Fluctuating self-esteem: Most 13-year-olds also experience great fluctuations in their self-esteem. They may feel good about themselves one day and feel extremely inadequate on another. They also may seek affirmation from you that they are on the right track, even though they claim to want to do things on their own.
Friends are important: While most 13-year-olds have given up their childhood toys, teens still play with their friends in a variety of ways. From slumber parties and camping out in the backyard to board games and sports activities, most 13-year-olds want to be active with their friends.
Developing identity: "Thirteen-year-olds tend to want to spend more time with their friends than with family members," Dr. Segura says. "They also start to form an identity at this age as they experiment with hobbies, activities, clothes, hairstyles, and music. They try on different identities to see what fits." Your teen may develop different personas or go through various phases, choosing to wear their hair in new ways to express themselves. You also may notice your teen pulling away from the family.
"Expect some mood changes at this age," Dr. Jassey says. "Although this doesn't give teens the right to walk over their parents, you need to try to weather the storm and not take it personally. You have to pick and choose your battles at this age."
Things to watch out for
While it can be hard to watch your child spend less time with you, having fun with their peers can be an important social outlet and is an integral part of their development. It can also be instrumental in helping them manage stress. As your 13-year-old becomes more independent, they may also confide more in friends instead of you.
Carve out time to talk (and listen) about the following:
How things are going in their life
What they think about different things
What healthy relationships and consent look like
How to navigate peer pressure
Gender identity and sexual orientation
"This is a time when they are exploring, asking questions," Dr. Segura says. Being supportive and listening is important, and if you have questions or do not understand what your child is experiencing or how to support them, talk to a health care provider.
How to Help Your 13-Year-Old Learn and Grow
While it may be more difficult to support your child through development as they hit the teen years, there are some ways you can actively be there for a 13-year-old:
Watch for signs of mental health issues: While mood swings are usually normal, it's important to keep an eye out for depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues, which may emerge during this time. "Keep in mind, teens this age don't like just talking," Dr. Segura says. "They are more likely to open up when you are doing other things like taking a walk, riding in the car, or shooting a basketball."
Help them brainstorm: If your teen is experiencing challenges, brainstorm with them on ways in which they might solve a single problem. Encourage your child to think of several solutions before taking action. This simple step can help improve your child’s judgment and give them opportunities to practice their critical thinking skills.
Be direct: Also, be sure you are direct with your child when talking about sensitive issues, like drinking, smoking, drugs, sexting, and sex. In order for your teen to see you as credible, acknowledge the slight upside that tempts teens to try these things. Say something like, “Kids usually think they’re more fun when they’re drinking alcohol,” and then explain the consequences.
Related: How Do I Handle My Tween's Tantrums?
How to Keep Your 13-Year-Old Safe
When it comes to safety at this age, there are a number of things for parents to consider.
Physical safety
For instance, Dr. Segura says kids this age should be reminded to wear seatbelts when riding in a car and helmets when riding scooters, bikes, or skateboards.
Keep in mind that your teen wants to grow and become more independent. Look for safe ways for them to do that. When making decisions about what you will allow them to do on their own, consider your community and your teen's maturity level.
"Try to find that happy balance between setting rules and allowing freedom in a safe and productive manner," says Dr. Jassey. "Being overbearing can be counterproductive at times. Make sure you are also having productive conversations about drinking, vaping, and sex and teach life lessons when you can."
Online safety
This also is the age when kids may get their own social media accounts or cell phones, so it is important to talk to them about how to stay safe online. Talk about what to share and not to share as well as establish some ground rules regarding social media use. Consider making your child's account private and make sure you know what they are doing online by following their accounts, Dr. Jassey suggests.
"Make sure you have productive conversations about how to do things the right way online," he says. "Talk about not hurting people online as well as how to deal with emotions when they are hurt by something others post. I also like the Life 360 app, which lets me know where my kids are. It is like a security blanket for parents."
Related: How You Can Help Your Kids Stay Safe Online This Summer (EXCLUSIVE)
When to Be Concerned
While all children develop at slightly different rates, it’s important to keep an eye on how your child is progressing. Some emotional issues or mental health problems may emerge in the early teen years and it’s important to seek professional help if you see any red flags, Dr. Segura says.
"Mood disorders may develop around this age," she says. It is not uncommon for 13-year-olds to experience depression and anxiety. If your teen has the following signs of a mood disorder, contact a health care provider:
A persistently different mood
Disinterest in things
Lack of motivation
Sleeping more
Appears to be experiencing panic attacks
Refusing to shower
Meanwhile, if your child is struggling academically, it could also be a cause for concern. Sometimes, learning disabilities or ADHD don’t become apparent until the teen years. Talk to your child’s teachers or discuss the issue with a health care provider if you are concerned.
"It is important to stay involved and show your teen that you care about school and their success," Dr. Segura says. "This means attending conferences and helping them develop a homework schedule. You also may have to help them keep track of their activities and responsibilities because their frontal lobe is still developing, and they may need help staying organized."
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