19 Disastrous Dating App Conversations And Bios That Prove Online Dating Is Basically A Form Of Torture

BuzzFeed
·1 min read
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1.This truth-or-dare disaster:

Text: Truth or dare? Truth! Kind of a weird question but do you have big areolas? lol

2.This horrible Halloween pickup line:

"Hey, you planning on being a washing machine for Halloween? 'Cause I wanna put a load inside you" Response: "You planning on being the Grinch? 'Cause I wouldn't touch you with a 39 1/2-foot poll"

3.This truly terrifying bio:

Women are terrible, I hate all of you! Some guy rejects u who u don't know and u take it personal; i don't have time to waste, let's go on a freakin' date because I'm not texting for 2 weeks; worst case is you lose 30 mins of your precious life

4.This turn of events:

Hey how's it going; response: Nothing much Horny as fuck Fuck me sexy baby

5.This guy who spoke some unfortunate truth:

"The key to my heart is emotional intimacy and mutual understanding and acceptance"; response: "That's a pretty high bar for the average man, best of luck out there"

6.This weird request:

Woman responds to text by asking if the guy will Uber Eats her breakfast, and he says he only pays for a girl's food on a date, but he's not going to Uber Eats her something before they even meet

7.This bio that might as well be a creepy job posting for a maid:

He really wants a "female helper," a 1950s woman with a job who can also cook, clean, etc, but otherwise he'll just hook up with you

8.This unsettling tone shift:

"Hey what are you up to? Your pictures are gorgeous"; "Hah thank you! I'm just working; how about yourself?" "Fuck you stupid bitch"

9.This persistent question asker:

Sends this message twice: "Hey gorgeous hows you? So if we were both squirrels would you let me bust a nut in your mouth?" Response: "Sorry I'm allergic to nuts"

10.This confusing message:

"He's a good little guy"; "You also look like a good little girl; do you also have any delicious food nickname?" "This is definitely in my top 10 weirdest Tinder messages I've received, I'll give you that"

11.This very specific bio:

Profile says mother of 2, Scorpio, '80s baby, turnoffs include fem dudes that wear skinny jeans, and "if you ever had a covid vaccination, keep swiping," turn-ons include family oriented, hard workers, 420 friendly

12.This overshare:

"Sleeping is my only late night shenanigan"; response: "I need to jerk off before I go to sleep"; "Alrighty buddy, so here's the thing, I didn't ask"

13.This bitter bio:

"I love this app because it shows the hypocrisy of girls demanding interesting conversation/openers and then only knowing how to start a convo with 'hey'"

14.This worshipper:

Hi! I think you are a perfect and beautiful Goddess who deserves to be worshipped and pampered! I would love to worship and massage your divine feet if you would like my Goddess!"

15.This #Damaged bio:

40+, never married, 2 adult children, #damaged: I'm not a "nice guy," I don't care about your kids or your pets, I don't want to marry you or pay your rent, I am honest and kind, looking for a cuddle buddy, maybe we make out a little but I don't put out

16.This creep who wasted no time:

"Before you go to bed, would you rather watch something you've never seen before or something you've seen 1,000 times?" "Something I've never seen before"; "Send me your pussy"

17.This taco enthusiast:

"How's your day going? No tacos lol" and after some chitchat says, "You didn't answer the taco question, you're kinda being a robot," and when other person asks "What taco question?" responds, "Oh yeah dang, you're not even trying to be interested lol"

18.This lengthy list of a bio:

He's 6'3", interests include feminism and heavy metal, and has a list of "don't evens," which include making less than $100K, being over 35, being a single mother, having a body count over 10, being fat, and having over 100K IG followers

19.Finally, this conversationalist:

When person asks what they do for a living they say "Read my profile," and when person says they did but they're "not sure what Alts means in that context," person says "I heard google is a smart source"

Check out r/Tinder, r/Bumble, and r/DatingApps for more disappointment!