25 Sex Questions to Ask Before Marriage, According to Experts
Let’s talk about sex, baby…but also, why and how? We all know that pleasure and intimacy are a key component in a lasting relationship, but they’re also famously awkward and sensitive subjects to address, even with the person you want to marry. And yet, experts agree that it’s really important to start having those conversations before you tie the knot. Without further ado, here’s a list of sex questions to ask before marriage, plus information, according to experts, on why you shouldn’t just skirt the topic if you want a union that lasts.
Meet the Experts
Sex Questions to Ask Before Marriage
Questions About Sexual Boundaries
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It’s a pretty big deal to have a thorough understanding of one another’s boundaries in the bedroom—namely because it “promotes trust, eliminates misconceptions, and aligns expectations, all of which contribute to a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship,” says Pochotna. Here are some boundary-setting questions to explore before marriage to ensure you’re both getting the most out of your intimate moments and treating each other in a way that expresses the love you feel for each other when you’re between the sheets.
Questions About Past Experiences and Vulnerabilities
“Before marriage, couples should explore their concerns, weaknesses, past traumas, fears, and how previous experiences influence their perspectives on intimacy,” says Pochotna, adding that “by openly discussing these issues, couples can create a safe space for communication, support and growth.” Of course these topics are some of the toughest to broach, particularly if your sexual history involves any negative or traumatic experiences, so it’s important to make sure you really trust your partner and have established a healthy communication dynamic before you dive in.
Questions About Mutual Satisfaction
All three experts agree that having direct conversations about sex is difficult for a lot of adults; it’s unfortunate, though, because this aversion to speaking openly about sex has a “direct influence on satisfaction,” says Pochotna. Indeed, the research confirms that couples who do discuss what goes on between the sheets report higher rates of both sexual and overall relationship satisfaction. As such, it’s worth bringing up the topic, and specifically going over what turns you on and whether there’s any room for improvement.
Questions About Sex That Help You Get to Know Each Other Better
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You can call these ice breakers or getting-to-know-you questions but if you don’t already have super open communication about sex, these conversation starters are useful at any stage in a relationship. Joe Dillon emphasizes (and I think most would agree) that communication is essential in every aspect of a partnership. “Seeing a lot of relationships and helping people divorce, [it’s pretty clear that] communication is always the problem, no matter what the topic,” the expert tells us. With that in mind, these questions are a good place to start, especially when the last frontier of communication relates to what goes on in the bedroom.
How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner
As previously mentioned, sex can be a formidable topic for partners to take on—namely because where there’s intimacy, there are so many feelings involved. Still, it’s an important topic to get comfortable with if you’re in a relationship with someone you’re considering marrying. Joe and Cheryl Dillon have immense insight into this having seen it from both sides of the equation (i.e., failed marriages, and also the impact that good relationship advice can have when it comes to ensuring that such a union really lasts). In fact, during the course of our interview, I was struck by the fact that they both made slightly different contributions to the conversation, but their respective opinions still blended seamlessly. Without further ado, here are some expert tips from the Dillons about how to start the sex conversation.
Summary: Why Is it Important to Ask Sex Questions Before Marriage?
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Being able to discuss sex with your SO with both confidence and sensitivity is a strong predictor for a lasting marriage that doesn’t lose the pleasure quotient over time—namely because the dynamic adapts to the changing needs and wants of both partners. All the experts agree that strong communication is the foundation for this ideal set-up. Start the conversation gently with well-timed questions and give your responses, such that the conversation feels more like a mutually shared curiosity than a criticism and you’ll be rewarded between the sheets for yours to come. It also bears repeating that sex is just one form of intimacy, but when you have those talks your relationship will more easily adjust to periods when, say, holding hands and hugging is more what fits your current vibe.
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