7 Awkward Things That Happen During Sex and How to Recover from Them
Whether it's your first, second, or fifteenth time having sex, unexpected things can happen in the heat of the moment that might leave you with some questions. For example, there’s a chance you might get your period while doing the deed or maybe there are some unexpected body noises that feel like they need addressing. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with anything that your body does during sex, so there’s no reason for you to feel embarrassed. But, sometimes things take you by surprise, and you need to check in with an expert to know you’re not alone.
And that’s why Seventeen chatted with Dr. Megan Fleming, an NYC-based clinical psychologist who specializes in sex therapy and relationships, to get real AF about what IRL sex looks like (and it’s definitely different than how it’s depicted in movies). "Things like getting your period and queefing are considered 'embarrassing' because they're unexpected and unwanted, but people have to embrace that they don't define what's going to come next, and they certainly don't define you or your relationship," said Dr. Fleming.
The truth is, it takes time for you to get comfortable with a partner, particularly when you're trying something new. When ~mortifying~ moments happen, we have a way of "catastrophizing" these experiences, but TBH, you are your own author! Take charge of uncomfy situations, address the awkwardness, laugh it off, and get back into it. Dr. Fleming often tells her clients that you never start as an expert, especially when you're exploring things for the first time. Here are all the sticky things that could happen and how to recover from them...
1. Getting your period
You're getting it on with your partner until you realize that you unexpectedly just got your period. This is SO normal - I mean, you just can't control your time of the month. Some people are totally into period sex, and some aren't, so figure out what you're into and what works for you. And if you choose to have sex on your period, know that it can get a little messy and it's not pregnancy-proof!
2. Queefing (or any kind of unflattering body noises)
Though queefs are commonly referred to as vagina farts, they actually don't come from digestion - they happen when air is pushed into your vagina and needs to be released, usually when there's penetration involved. So there's really nothing you can do to prevent queefing. The best way to deal? Acknowledge it and simply laugh it off! When it comes to these awkward moments, Dr. Fleming advises you to take charge of the situation. "People react and respond to your energy, so if you're disgusted or humiliated, your discomfort is going to translate to your partner also being uncomfortable," she says.
3. Orgasms not happening at the right time or ever
It is super common for you or your partner to orgasm too quickly, too late, or not at all - you are definitely not alone in this department. If you're having sex with a guy, you might find yourself in a situation where he loses his erection. If this happens, Dr. Fleming insists that you should never take it too personally. "There are many, many reasons why your partner might lose an arousal erection," she says. "You might be sensitive and think you're not desirable or attractive, when actually, they might be exhausted or preoccupied."
For girls, it's often harder to orgasm with penetration alone. When it comes to giving and receiving pleasure, according to Dr. Fleming, it's important to think about what your intention is. "If your intention is really about pleasuring and you're consistent with that, there are a million different ways it can look," she says. This means that you don't necessarily have to orgasm during sex in order for the experience to be ~successful~. It's all about working with your S.O. to figure out what you both enjoy and are happy with. "There's too much pressure for you to always have orgasms, and to believe that if your partner's not giving you an orgasm, it indicates that you're not attracted to or aroused by them," she says.
But the most important thing Dr. Fleming notes, is that the foundation of arousal is relaxation, so you must be comfortable when you're having sex, especially for the first time. "If there's a sense of trust, security, and comfort, you're not going to jump to the conclusion that one moment is going to define the future of your sex life or your relationship," she says. "It's just one data point."
4. Squirting
While researchers haven't fully cracked what exactly squirting, aka female ejaculation, is - some say it's pee - what we do know is that it's completely normal. Though Dr. Fleming does recommend emptying your bladder, or putting down a towel or extra sheets before having sex, sometimes, it's unavoidable and that's fine! If your partner is weirded out by a super ordinary bodily function, that's on them, not you.
5. Saying the wrong name (or something you might not mean)
Believe it or not, Dr. Fleming contends that this ~awkward~ situation is quite common, as people often get caught up in sexual fantasies. If this happens, here's how to recover from the sitch: "It's important to own it and take responsibility," she says. "Don't let them think you're not completely there with them. Try to bring your interactions back to the person you're with and what about them is turning you on."
6. Faking it
Dr. Fleming advises against "faking" anything during sex, but sometimes, it's inevitable that you're stuck in a situation where you accidentally pretended to be into something you're not. "If you're not giving your partner accurate feedback, how will they possibly know what turns you on?," she asks. The key to communicating what you like to your partner is to first learn and explore your own body. Though you might feel like you're bolstering your partner's self esteem, Dr. Fleming explains that it's actually a disservice to both of you. "You want them to feel confident because they actually do know how to pleasure you," she says. "When and if you're not pleasured, normalize that experience, too." It's OK for you to take your time to have an orgasm, and not to mention, so normal.
7. Addressing sexual health
While discussing safe sex should never ever feel humiliating, some might feel uncomfortable bringing up condoms, birth control, and STDs when you're in the moment. The fact is, there is absolutely nothing 'embarrassing' about taking care of yourself and your sexual health. "We are responsible for our sexual health; that is first and foremost," Dr. Fleming says. No matter the circumstance, don't be afraid to ask your partner to grab a condom or ask about the last time they got an STD check. Having that tricky convo initially will definitely prevent future issues for you and your partner!
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