Some basic etiquette rules to teach your kids before they meet the new housekeeper

Dianne Isbell
·6 min read

Q. I have been a year-round, stay-at-home mom for my two boys who are now going to be fifth and sixth graders.

I recently accepted a wonderful job opportunity, which will start in a few weeks. My husband and I have hired an adult lady babysitter for Monday through Friday. She is willing to do some light cooking, cleaning and drive them to their sports lessons, movies, birthday parties and church activities. And she is willing to put up with having some of their friends over to play at our house.

I am naturally a little nervous about all this. We have always had a list of tasks for each one to do each day during school and in the summer, and I want to continue a list of this type, but I also think we need to have a list of basic behavior rules, including what they can and cannot do and rules for when they have friends over which apply to their friends also.

The lists will be put on our big note board. We will go over the lists with them, and each one will get a copy to put in their rooms. There will be extra copies for them to show their friends when they come over. Naturally, we will have a copy for the babysitter and go over the lists with her.

We have started on our lists but would appreciate your input because our kids are not too keen about having a babysitter five days a week because they actually think they are old enough to stay at home by themselves and of course they don’t think they need any lists. At their age, they are already beginning to think they don’t have to listen to parents, but they will listen to other adults even when they say the same thing as us.

So if the rules and lists come from an authoritative etiquette expert like you, they hopefully will be more accepting. I am certain the babysitter will appreciate them so they don’t try to get by with something they know they are not supposed to do.

A. Thank you for your vote of confidence. Your inclination in having written rules and lists of tasks is definitely a great approach for ensuring a stress-free and fun summer for everyone.

I have a suggestion and that is to consider changing “babysitter” to “housekeeper” because since your children already feel they are old enough to stay by themselves, the word “housekeeper” would be more palatable to them because they are no longer in the “baby” category. Actually, her described duties are more “housekeeper” duties than “babysitting” anyway. Of course, please check with the lady you have hired to make sure she is comfortable with the new title.

Here are my suggested lists:

Daily Task List

  • Get up cheerfully when awakened;

  • Make your bed;

  • Brush your teeth;

  • Brush your hair;

  • Get dressed in clothes appropriate for the day’s scheduled activities, for example: better tennis shoes for going to the movies; older tennis shoes for playing games outdoors;

  • Clean up your room – put dirty clothes in appropriate receptacle; pick up pieces of paper and put in trash can;

  • Hang up your pjs or place them neatly on the edge of your bed;

  • Put any toys or games away from the day/night before;

  • Eat breakfast which has been prepared by the housekeeper or prepare it yourself;

  • Put your dishes in the dishwasher after rinsing them;

  • Use good table manners when eating; for example, elbows and arms off the table; put your napkin on your lap and use it as necessary; do not talk with your mouth full of food;

  • Select one chore from the chore list and accomplish it before going out to play;

  • Spend at least 30 minutes a day reading a book from a suggested summer book list;

  • Follow the allowed computer time usage;

  • If watching TV with your sibling, take turns on selecting the programs;

  • Playing music in your room is fine but don’t make it too loud or use earphones.

Behavior Rules

  • Be polite and respectful to the housekeeper at all times;

  • Address her as “Mrs. __________”;

  • Say “Please” and “Thank you”;

  • If she asks you to do something or not do something, respond accordingly, with no argument;

  • Quiet voices are for inside; louder voices are for outside;

  • Be polite and respectful to your sibling – no “rough housing” inside and no fighting with each other – help each other as needed;

  • Have fun playing together outside; take turns as appropriate;

  • Take off dirty shoes after being outside playing before re-entering the house;

  • Before leaving your yard to go play with your friends or ride bicycles, check with housekeeper and be sure to return when she asks you to return;

  • Take your cell phone with you in case the housekeeper needs to call you. If you decide to go to another friend’s house to play, call the housekeeper and let her know where you will be going;

  • Be polite and respectful when going to your friend’s home to play;

  • Knock on the door or ring the doorbell and enter only after being asked to do so;

  • Address their parents as Mr. __________ and Mrs. __________;

  • Say “thank you” if you are given snacks or beverages;

  • Put cans, bottles, glasses, plates, napkins in the appropriate place before leaving;

  • Play nicely with your friends; share, take turns;

  • If you are invited inside your friend’s home, remove your shoes;

  • If you want to invite friends to your house, check with the housekeeper and tell her who you are inviting. When they arrive, ask them to remove their shoes before entering your home and introduce them to the housekeeper;

  • No “rough housing” in the house and no fighting;

  • Offer your friends snacks and beverages, including napkins and be sure to put empty cans, etc., in the trash;

  • Don’t hesitate to remind your friends that beverages are not to be set on the furniture without a coaster;

  • Be ready at the appropriate time if the housekeeper is scheduled to take you to a sporting event or practice or a movie or church event;

  • Do not be disruptive in the car when the housekeeper is driving;

  • Put on your seatbelt without being asked to do so;

  • Be sure to be ready when it is time for the housekeeper to pick you up;

  • Be on time for lunch; wash your hands. If you can help the housekeeper make lunch, do so; help her with the clean up;

  • If the housekeeper takes you and your friends to the movies, do not be disruptive; keep your feet on the floor; do not talk during the movie; turn off your cell phone; do not throw popcorn; stand up if someone needs to get past you to get out to the aisle; put your food and empty soda containers in the trash receptacles as you leave the theater.