Is Dissociating Always a Bad Thing? Therapists Explain.
DO YOU EVER zone out while tackling a boring task? Take your mind elsewhere to power through a difficult workout? Or, have you ever driven home safely without any recollection of how you got there? If so, you’ve engaged in dissociation, or feeling disconnected from the world around you.
“The signature of dissociation is a fuzzy state of absentee consciousness, a trance-like quality where there seems to be nobody home,” explains Brian Tierney, Ph.D., a men’s mental health and trauma expert who’s known as The Somatic Doctor. You might also feel numb, have a distorted sense of time, or feel an altered sense of the world.
Dissociation can be mild or so severe that it’s a dissociative disorder, such as dissociative identity disorder (which was previously referred to as multiple personality disorder and typically portrayed inaccurately in TV and films, experts say).
People usually engage with dissociation when they’re overwhelmed with stress or traumatic experiences, says Bethany Brand, Ph.D., professor of clinical psychology at Towson University and an expert on trauma and dissociative disorders. “It’s a neurobiologically created defense. The brain does it automatically.”
Many people who’ve experienced trauma dissociate to cope with stress or to detach from reality, Tierney says. It’s the mind’s way of protecting itself from perceived threats.
While dissociation can be a symptom of a mental health disorder, it’s not always negative. There is “nonpathological dissociation,” Brand says. “An example is in peak athletic performance or peak spiritual experience. We may feel detached from ourselves. We may see ourselves from a distance. It can feel euphoric.”
Here’s what you should know about dissociation, including why you might do it, when it’s a sign of a mental health condition, and how to break away from it.
Why Do You Dissociate—And, Is It Always Bad?
Dissociation is a natural response to traumatic or stressful events, Brand says. For instance, if someone was abused as a child, they may learn to “go away in their minds” to cope, she explains. Or, have an out-of-body experience where it seems they’re watching themselves from a distance.
Men may dissociate when dealing with tough situations or strong feelings because they often don’t know how to navigate emotional intensities, Tierney says.
“Men are not taught a language for identifying, expressing, and being responsible for their feelings, so it is very common that the button to the ejection seat is pressed to escape overwhelming emotional experiences that they do not understand or do not have a descriptive language for,” he explains.
As a natural response, dissociation isn’t always necessarily bad, Tierney says. It can help you distance yourself or avoid getting entangled in a conflict or past trauma.
Dissociation can help athletes reach a high level by preventing thoughts and emotions from interfering with their focus, Brand says. It also comes up when you go on autopilot to complete a mundane activity.
Is Dissociation a Conscious Behavior?
Dissociation is an automatic response, where some parts of the brain become more active and others become less active, Brand says. “It’s a brilliant adaptation to being extremely overwhelmed.”
In some instances, Tierney says it may be “semi-conscious,” meaning someone might be somewhat aware of their dissociative behavior while they’re doing it but not conscious about what they’re dissociating from.
When Is Dissocation a Mental Health Disorder?
Everyone might engage in some level of dissociation, such as spacing out, from time to time without realizing it. But depending on how severe the symptoms are, how frequently they come up, and how they impact your basic life functioning, Tierney says you could have a dissociative disorder.
Dissociative disorders can cause problems with memory, identity, emotion, perception, behavior, and sense of self that disrupt your mental functioning, according to the American Psychiatric Association.
Dissociative disorders include:
Dissociative identity disorder (DID), which involves a lack of connection in someone’s thoughts, memory, and sense of identity. People develop two or more distinct identities, with a dissociation between the personalities, Tierney says.
Dissociative amnesia involves an inability to recall information, beyond forgetfulness. Tierney says memory loss can be related to a specific event or aspect of an event or encompass someone’s entire life.
Depersonalization/derealization disorder, where someone feels detached from their own mind or body or a sense of unreality or detachment from their surroundings. Tierney says people with this disorder often feel like they’re observing themselves from outside their bodies.
These conditions usually require cognitive behavioral therapy, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and other therapies.
How to Stop Dissociating
If you notice that you often dissociate but it’s not having a profound impact on your daily life, there are some ways to learn to stop doing it, Brand says. Even if dissociating isn't causing problems for you, you want to break away from the pattern because it's distracting you from focusing on certain tasks—or you're just committed to being more present.
The first step is recognizing that you’re dissociating, Tierney says. “If a man can take feedback from loved ones that he is spacing out a lot and not get too defensive, then he is on the right track.”
Here are some ways to stop dissociating:
Grounding Techniques
Used to help treat anxiety, PTSD, dissociation, and other disorders, grounding techniques let you engage the senses and orient yourself to the present, Brand says.
There are several types of grounding exercises. One that you can use anywhere is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, where you acknowledge five things you can see around you, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Others include touching objects nearby and describing their texture or color; holding a piece of ice and focusing on the coldness; and, focusing on a specific sound in your environment.
“Those techniques are meant to re-alert those parts of the brain that have sort of metaphorically gone offline,” Brand says.
Physical Activity
Getting your body moving can help break the pattern of dissociation, Tierney says. He suggests activities that get your legs going, such as running, swimming, or kickboxing.
“Anything that will get the extremities pushing out the neurochemicals that hold dissociation in place,” he explains.
Breathing Exercises
Some people might benefit from breathing exercises, such as 4-7-8 breathing where you inhale for a count of four, hold the breath for a count of seven, and exhale for eight. This can bring a calming effect, help lower stress, and reduce anxiety.
But breathing exercises don’t work for everyone, Brand says. It can have a “paradoxical response” for some people by triggering a flashback of past trauma.
Get Plenty of Sleep
Taking steps to improve your overall mental health and well-being could help minimize instances of dissociation, and sleep is a big part of that. Sleep disturbances have been linked to dissociative symptoms and memory problems. One small study published in 2015 showed that sleep deprivation increased dissociative symptoms and lowered someone’s ability to consciously suppress unwanted thoughts.
Establishing a soothing bedtime routine and aiming to get at least seven hours of sleep a night will go a long way to improving your mental health, including helping you manage stress and dissociative habits.
Seek Treatment
If you’ve tried these techniques but your pattern of dissociation is affecting your sleep, relationships, or work and family commitments, Tierney suggests seeking help from a mental health professional. Or, maybe others in your life have pointed out that you’re dissociating.
“Possibly, someone else has mentioned, ‘You seem so out of touch with your emotions,’” Brand says. “You look like you’re caught up in daydreaming all the time. You don’t remember things that you’re doing.”
However, not all therapists are knowledgeable about treating trauma and dissociation, she says. Brand recommends using the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation’s Find a Therapist tool. She also suggests asking questions of your therapist about their experience assessing and treating dissociation.
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