Hollywood Director Shares 'Dark' Mental Health Struggle That Led to Treatment

Kevin Smith detailed his decision to seek mental health treatment for the first time in a heartbreaking new interview.

The Clerks director explained that he checked into Arizona's Sierra Tucson treatment center after what, he described as, a "complete break from reality."

"It was scary," he said, recalling his experience from January 2023 while speaking with People. "At that moment, I wouldn't have been averse to not being around any longer. I called a friend and said, 'I'm in a weird, dark place. I need to go somewhere and get help.'"

Through a month-long course of intensive therapy, Smith realized that the traumatic events he survived over four decades ago still weighed on him.

While speaking with the outlet, the actor revealed that when he was just six, an older boy he didn't know forced him to perform sexual acts with a young girl who also lived in the neighborhood.

Smith explained that up until he discussed it with a counselor, he coped by telling himself that they "were just playing doctor in an alleyway."

"When a third party is instructing you to do something against your core values like that," the therapist shared with Smith, "that's sexual abuse."

That wasn't the only trauma the triple threat recalled. Smith also remembered being traumatized by his fourth-grade teacher, who made fun of the size of his "gut" in front of the class.

"I felt disgusting, like I didn't matter. That's when 'the other guy' started to appear," he said. "I decided to be entertaining and make people love me before they noticed I was fat."

Smith said by the time Clerks was out, and he was 24, he was "already a self-loathing mess. 'The other guy' became my favorite piece of clothing to wear. I'd just let him take over."

But all that changed in January when he sought treatment–which he noted wasn't easy.

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"In the beginning, it was tough to share when somebody's talking about watching their friend get killed and I'm like, 'Well, my fourth-grade teacher told me I was fat,'" he admitted. "But I learned that there's no differentiation [between levels of trauma] to the human nervous system. Internally, trauma is trauma."

While in the center, Smith said professionals also helped him understand the healing power of self-acceptance, which he said has been life-changing. "This was eye opening to me because I'd always spent the majority of my time depressed about the past or anxious over the future. I'm really interested in seeing if I can finally be comfortable sitting by myself," he confessed, "and just be alone with my thoughts."

He also recognized that there's an even bigger conversation to be had, "I'm terrified to see everyone's reaction to [all of this]. But I know there's somebody out there who doesn't know this stuff—like I didn't—who could get something out of this."

If you or a loved one are struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues and need outside help, the website and National Helpline for SAMHSA have resources available.