Your Gender Identity Can Change Over Time, And Yes, That’s Totally Normal
So, you're interested in learning all the terms and phrases someone might use to express their gender identity. Or maybe, you're exploring your own gender, and looking for the right word or words. Either way, there are a lot of terms out there, and you might have a few questions—especially if you're realizing that you don't (always) identify with the gender assigned to you at birth.
If you're figuring out your own gender identity, you'll want to start by asking yourself some questions. A few of those might include, "What settings do I feel, not most accepted in, but most comfortable in? Who in my life do I feel most similar to and relate to? What do I enjoy? Do I feel right in my body? When others [talk about] the gender that they think I am, does that feel right to me?" says Amy Mezulis, PhD, a clinical psychologist and co-founder and chief clinical officer at Joon, a telehealth service for teens and young adults.
Gender is a social construct, and pushing against that to discover who you are isn't always easy. Thankfully, in this day and age, many terms surrounding gender are becoming more widely recognized in our society. "The language we have around [gender identity] is rapidly expanding to accommodate for the wide variety of gender identities and expressions out there," says Paula Leech, LMFT, an AASECT-certified sex therapist. "The more we can expose ourselves to the diversity of gender identity and expression out in the world, the more likely we are to find ourselves reflected back with greater clarity."
If you aren't sure about something, the best thing you can do is try to educate yourself. So, Women's Health asked experts just a few of those questions you might have yourself: What exactly does gender identity mean? What is the difference between sex assigned at birth vs. gender? And what are the different labels someone can use to describe their gender identity?
Ready for the answers? Read on.
What is gender identity?
In short: “Gender identity is how you feel about yourself and the ways you express your gender,” says Jackie Golob, MS, LPCC, an AASECT-certified sex therapist in Minnesota.
It’s important to note that genitalia does not equal gender, and someone's genitals have no bearing on whether they identify as a man, a woman, non-binary, or anything else. “The sex characteristics a person is born with do not signify a person's gender identity,” adds Golob. “When people have ‘gender reveal parties,’ it really should be called a ‘genital reveal party.’”
You can't "tell" someone's gender just by looking at them; that said, some people might choose to express their gender identity through their appearance, which might include "makeup, dresses, high heels, athletic shorts, sneakers, and more," Golob explains.
There's also a common misconception that there are just two genders: "male" and "female." But there are tons of other gender identities beyond those two, like non-binary, gender-fluid, and more. There are actually countless ways to describe your gender, Leech adds.
What’s the difference between sex and gender?
“Sex is our biology—and specifically, our reproductive anatomy,” Leech says. When you hear that someone is “assigned female at birth,” for example, that relates to their sex.
Gender, on the other hand, “is the expression of the characteristics that we have associated with what it means to have those genitals,” says Leech. Basically, someone’s gender is their personal, intuitive understanding of who they are.
Sexuality is different from gender identity, too. Your sexuality refers to who you are emotionally, physically, romantically, or sexually attracted to, Golob says.
Now that you know the basics, here's a deeper dive into what all the terms related to gender and sex mean.
1. Agender
“Agender means that one does not identify with any gender,” says Tracy Marsh, PhD, a faculty member for Walden University’s PhD in Clinical Psychology and a licensed psychologist in California who specializes in LGBTQIA+ issues. They may ask to be addressed using the pronouns "they" or "them," rather than "he" or "she."
Those who are agender might sometimes feel an affinity for other gender identities, or choose to express themselves in a myriad of ways. But ultimately, they probably don’t feel very strongly about any other labels. “If I'm agender, maybe sometimes I am identifying with various genders, but none powerfully enough for me to land anywhere,” Leech explains.
2. Bigender
Not to be confused with bisexual, being bigender means "having two gender identities that can be experienced and expressed separately, or that can blend and be experienced simultaneously," says Leech. "Two gender identities can mean identifying as a man and woman, but it can also mean identifying as a man or woman and gender-neutral or agender."
3. Cisgender
The term cisgender, or cis, describes a person whose gender identity aligns with or matches their assigned sex at birth. “If a doctor assigns gender based on genitalia when the baby is born and says, ‘It's a girl,’ and that person aligns with their gender, that's what it means to be cisgender,” says Golob.
4. Demigender
Being demigender is a fairly abstract concept, Leech says. Someone who identifies this way might feel like, “‘I can identify with different genders or not—I can exist in the spaces between genders,’” she explains. “‘I don't feel a profound connection to any one or even multiple genders.’” This doesn’t necessarily mean that they feel neutral about their gender identity, though, she adds.
5. Female
Female is one of two genders that exist at either side of the gender binary, the other being male. While it’s important to remember that many gender identities exist in between and beyond the binary, some people might still identify as a woman, as a girl, and/or as female. These women might be cisgender or transgender.
6. Femme
Femme can be defined as “qualities, characteristics, aesthetics that we've decided are associated with what it means to be feminine,” Leech says. It can be an adjective to describe someone’s gender expression, or a noun to describe their gender identity.
But just because someone identifies as femme doesn’t mean they’re female. Someone might be non-binary, for example, but also proudly identify with having femme characteristics—this might be represented by their personal style, hair, and jewelry choices.
7. Gender Non-Conforming
“Gender non-conforming refers to when someone does not conform to their cultural gender norms,” says Marsh. An example could be someone who's assigned male at birth (AMAB) wearing nail polish, Marsh adds.
Since all the specifics of these phrases may start to feel similar, Marsh provides some more useful intel: “The terms gender non-conforming, genderqueer, genderfluid, and non-binary typically fall under the umbrella of transgender,” says Marsh. But they don't all mean the exact same thing, so it's still important to check in with people to see what labels they prefer.
8. Gender-Expansive
You may have heard of “gender non-conforming” before, but the phrase “gender-expansive” has become another common term among LGBTQIA+ people.
Like gender non-conforming, someone who is gender-expansive might not identify with their sex assigned at birth. This could mean they're non-binary; it could also mean they're cisgender and simply don't identify with many gender stereotypes, per PFLAG's glossary.
9. Genderfluid
Just like your sexuality can be fluid, your gender identity can be, too.
Genderfluid means someone's gender identity varies over time. Their identity may vary depending on the circumstances and the context of their lives at a given point. They may wish to, at any one time, identify with one gender, but over time they don't want to be held to that. "It has less to do with in-the-moment categorization and more to do with a time feature," says Mezulis.
FYI: The fluid (i.e. transformative) aspect of being gender-fluid can happen at any point in life. You can be super young or a supercentenarian—it doesn’t only occur during a particular time in your lifespan.
10. Genderqueer
The term genderqueer refers to someone who is non-conforming to any gender identity. They don't identify as transgender, non-binary, male or female.
Sometimes, the words “genderqueer” and “non-binary” are used interchangeably. However, "others view them as meaning different things with different nuanced representations of gender,” says Jill Amodio, LMSW, a licensed social worker who runs support groups for LGBTQ youth. “Defining gender is a very personal practice.”
11. Gendervoid
“Gendervoid is a term that is similar to agender, but specifically refers to not only a lack of gender identity but also a sense of loss or a void in not feeling that gender identity,” explains Marsh. Gendervoid people feel like they don’t experience or aren’t able to feel their gender.
12. Graygender
Graygender essentially means someone is gender-amorphous, Leech says. “[They] don't identify or relate to or connect with the gender binary at all,” she says, and might think, “‘I am in this sort of space outside of grabbing onto concrete gender identities.’ It's almost genderless.”
Now, this might sound similar to being gendervoid and agender. Here’s the difference: Someone who identifies as graygender is “existing and operating within the gender spectrum,” Leech says. They exist in the spaces in between. However, someone who identifies as gendervoid probably doesn’t connect with the spectrum at all.
13. Intersex
An important distinction: This is a sex term, not a gender one. Still, for some people, being intersex might be a part of their identity.
Basically, a person born with either some combination of both sex characteristics (genital organs, hormones, chromosomes) or certain genital variations that don't align with either sex is intersex, explains Bausic. This can look like a clitoris that’s larger than the average, a penis that is smaller than the average, or a closed vagina.
“It is a natural variation in human anatomy, and it shouldn’t be perceived as something bad,” she says. Also, it's important to know that being intersex is not uncommon: Planned Parenthood estimates that one to two people out of every 100 in the U.S. are intersex.
14. Male
Male and female gender identities lie at either side of the gender binary. “We're typically identifying male as meaning masculine characteristics, and female as meaning feminine characteristics,” she says.
Remember, gender isn’t associated with our reproductive anatomy, Leech says. It’s possible to have any genitalia and identify as a boy, a man, or male.
15. Non-binary
"Non-binary describes a person who does not identify clearly or exclusively as male or female," says Alexandra Bausic, MD, a board-certified OB-GYN, and sex educator at Let’s Talk Sex. “They can either feel both gender characteristics, or feel different from them.” You may also hear non-binary used as an umbrella term for various groups of people that don’t identify as male or female.
As far as pronouns go, many non-binary people use "they" and "them" pronouns. But it's also possible to be non-binary and still prefer "she" or "he"—some non-binary people are also open to any and all pronouns. For this reason, it's always a good idea to ask someone which pronouns they use, and then respect that, per GLAAD's guide.
16. Omnigender
"Someone who is omnigender identifies with all genders—each gender being experienced as separate with distinct qualities and characteristics," explains Leech. "People who identify as omnigender are often genderfluid, moving amongst the genders depending on what feels authentic to who they are at a given moment or period in time."
17. Pangender
According to Leech, omnigender and pangender are sometimes used interchangeably, but there are a few key differences between the two. "Someone who is pangender identifies with, experiences, and is all genders at once," she says. "All genders exist alongside one another simultaneously."
18. Polygender
Again, gender is fluid, and that’s evident in the meaning of being polygender. If someone is polygender, “they can identify with multiple genders and move through them in the course of a day, a week, a month, or embrace multiple at the same time,” Leech says. Their pronouns might be he, she, and/or they.
Again, being polygender isn’t unlike being pangender or omnigender, but the terms are a bit different. Someone who’s pangender can encompass multiple genders or move around between multiple ones, depending on the day. Polygender, on the other hand, refers to an identification with multiple genders, and less of an exploration or movement on the spectrum. Those who are omnigender identify as all genders.
19. Transgender
If someone is transgender, or trans, that person's assigned sex at birth does not align with their gender identity. "Transgender has often been used to refer to people who clearly move from one sex identification to a different [one]," says Mezulis. "But it can include individuals who identify with a gender that varies in any way from their sex assigned at birth."
In other words, someone might be a trans woman or a trans man, but someone who's non-binary is still trans, too, as they don't identify with the sex assigned to them at birth.
20. Two-spirit
This term is used by some Indigenous communities to refer to someone who "identifies as having a third gender, encompassing both a masculine and feminine spirit or essence," Leech explains, adding that non-Indigenous people should not use this term.
Is this list comprehensive?
While these terms may be helpful for some, the labels listed may not feel right to others, and that's okay. Gender is a spectrum, and there is no finite number of gender identities. In fact, "there are infinite places you can land on," says Mezulis. "The fact that we use binary genders is a shortcut because it's easier on the human brain to understand a small number of categories. We're a species that like categorization, but that's about us and not about someone else's experience."
If you're looking to support someone who's figuring out their gender identity, the number one thing to do is love them, says Mezulis. "After loving them, the next most important thing to do is listen in a truly non-judgmental, curious way," she adds. You can ask them questions about how they want to be referred to, how they'd like to be introduced, what their pronouns are, and if there's a new name they'd prefer.
Then, take time to learn outside from your interactions with that person. "Reach out and have a respectful dialogue with someone who has more knowledge of these terms and topics," says Marsh. "[And always] ask others how they identify and how they prefer to be addressed.”
Meet the experts:
Tracy Marsh, PhD, is a faculty member for Walden University's PhD in Clinical Psychology program and a licensed psychologist in California who specializes in LGBTQIA+ issues. Paula Leech, LMFT, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist specializing in LGBTQIA+ issues and gender identity. Alexandra Bausic, MD, is a board-certified OB-GYN and sex educator at Let's Talk Sex. Jackie Golob, MS, LPCC, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist with the Centre for Sexual Wellness in Minnesota. Amy Mezulis, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and the co-founder and chief clinical officer at Joon. Jillian Amodio, LMSW, is a licensed social worker who runs support groups for LGBTQ youth.
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