This Is How ‘Mommunes’ Bring Single Black Mothers Joy

Communal child-rearing isn't new, but it can be grounding for single Black mothers in important ways.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but many modern moms are wondering where their village is hiding in today's urban cities. Recently, a TikTok of single mom Kristin Batykefer living in a "mommune" went viral, bringing attention to the not-so-novel idea of shared living arrangements to facilitate cost savings and share childcare responsibilities amongst different families. Particularly useful for single parents, this parenting arrangement helps mothers come together to support and raise their children. Of course, communal child-rearing is not a new concept—not even in major U.S. cities.

In fact, Carmel Boss, founder of CoAbode, a mommy matching site started around 2002, was rumored to have coined the tongue-in-cheek term "mommunes," in jest. "I was playing around with the idea, trying to explain to a reporter that we're really not about communes–we're not a bunch of hippies on a commune... CoAbode is really about two single mothers coming together pooling their rents and their resources and sharing a home together," Boss says.

Many cultures around the world take a collectivist approach to parenting. For many Black mothers living in the U.S., communal living has the added benefit of safety–physical and psychological–that can help children and parents thrive during periods of uncertainty. Laura Cooper and her female co-founders chose to buy rural acreage in Georgia to build a Black settlement community named Freedom Georgia, which includes, but is not limited to, single moms hoping to achieve the same things that CoAbode envisions: creating a social safety net for parents and kids that relies on more than just the biological family unit. Like Boss, Cooper also rebuffs misconceptions of the Freedom Georgia project as exclusive to Black people and only for single parents. Her project focuses on bringing together like-minded people for co-living and eventual home ownership.

So, what are "mommunes" anyway?

A "mommune" describes a shared living arrangement where multiple mothers and their children live together and share resources, responsibilities, and childcare duties. This model was made famous recently when WeWork founder Miguel McKelvey acknowledged his co-working business idea was partially inspired by his childhood in a mom-led commune of 5 families in Eugene, Oregon.

But this model of many moms living together for the long haul has its flaws says CoAbode founder, Carmel Boss. "My experience having done this for quite a number of years, is that the idea of three or four or five single moms in one house is just shooting for trouble. It's just chaos. It doesn't work." Instead, the CoAbode approach envisions only two single mothers coming together.

Using online dating technology, single mothers apply through CoAbode's extensive questionnaire to find their mommy match. After finding a compatible mother near them, they meet and ask questions about parenting topics, like child-rearing philosophies, diet, income, and work schedules, as well as kid-compatibility issues around age, gender, and play styles. While some arrangements are short-term, just in case of emergency or one rent cycle, many last an entire childhood.

Boss says the long-lasting ones solve three major pain points for single moms: the financial responsibility, the time and task overload, and the lack of emotional support.

Myths and Realities of Communal Living

Sharing the responsibilities of parenthood comes in a wide range of iterations across cultures, geographies, and time periods.

Women of Color

Thirty percent of CoAbode's registered mothers identify as African American and 12% are Hispanic, which might come as a shock to people who assume that women of color would be disinterested in this style of living and/or already have extended family support.

Rural vs. City

While many people assume that modern communal living happens on a farm or suburb, many urban moms need the help the most. Juggling distance from immediate family, hectic work schedules, and the high cost of living, mothers in today's most expensive housing markets like NYC and San Francisco areas, can really benefit from house hacking or co-living.

It's All About the Kids

When Laura Cooper and her business partners set to create a self-sustaining community, they aimed for the residents to be intergenerational. From young families to retirees, Freedom Georgia aims to build a city of like-minded people, some of whom are single-parent families but others who are not. The idea was to create a community that benefits kids but isn't exclusively about them. Although leveraging a different model, Boss says the same is true for CoAbode moms, who see improved quality of life from having emotional support, especially as some leave sour relationships behind.

Pros of Mom-Led Communities

Every mommy community is unique. Boss said she searched for another single mother to house-share with because she started having anxiety about raising her son alone. After receiving responses from a bulletin she posted to solve her own problem, she continued matching other moms with kids of similar ages and interests.

Financial Security

Cooper and her colleagues hope to tackle financial concerns when designing Freedom, Georgia. She says they envision several programs meant to ease the financial burden on single mothers, especially Black women who suffer a significant income pay disparity. Making just 67 cents to every $1 earned by a White, non-Hispanic man, Black women benefit significantly from sharing living expenses and childcare.

Reliable Childcare

Cooper says she and her co-founders are looking to redesign and restructure male-centered urban planning to reinvent and improve the built environment to be more beneficial for women and moms.

"Every business there will offer some type of daycare because that is one of the biggest problems that most moms have is that they don't have daycare. And if they do have daycare sometimes they can't afford it," she acknowledges.

They envision pairing interested elders and retirees with youth to provide age-appropriate tutoring, mentoring, and recreational activities, in addition to daycare. In the end, regardless of family structure, a sense of stability is key for a child's development and well-being. This stability can be achieved through home-sharing arrangements.

Food Security

When money is tight, food is often the first line item to get slashed. Recent stats show that 1 in every 8 (12.5%) American households with children experiences difficulties buying enough food to feed their families. Ironically, this particularly affects rural families.

"Living in those food deserts, we don't have access to the quality of food that you would get in certain places if you had a higher income," says Cooper. So, her plans dedicate space for communal farming. "I don't care if you just take those little flower pots and grow some tomatoes and cucumber on your porch or in your sunroom, it's important to start looking at those things and thinking from that viewpoint. There are so many things going wrong with our food… they're talking about printing 3D fish," she laughs.

All jokes aside, the financial benefits of a lowered cost of living are almost immediately seen in improved nutritional and caloric outcomes.

Emotional Support

Mommunes are often a positive and supportive environment for mothers who may be dealing with emotional, physical, or mental stress from their previous living and parenting situations. "There's a lot of loneliness out there, and we really should not be raising our children on our own. We're really not built that way," Boss says. Mommy sharing can mitigate this emotional stress, while also reducing the overwhelm of single parenthood. Mothers have reported they have 56 hours a month of free time when they house-share with another single mother, Boss says.

There are many considerations for mothers to think about before joining or starting a "mommune." Compatibility with other mothers is important, as not all families will be a good fit with one another. Understanding one another's expectations, parenting styles, and values is important to create a nurturing, secure, and safe environment for all the parents and kids involved. Boss says that after moms believe they've made a match, they can use several modifiable agreements to formalize expectations before home-sharing begins. 

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