No Family, No Friends: How to Cope With Being Alone
While many people prioritize their familial relationships and friendships, there are many valid reasons why you may not have any family or friends. No two people have the same needs, and you might thrive by leading a solitary life. But if you're struggling with feelings of isolation or loneliness, we have a few useful tips to help you cope.
Is It Normal to Have No Family and No Friends?
About 30% of Millennials report feeling always or almost always lonely, while Generation X comes in at 20% and Baby Boomers at 15%. While the majority of people crave social connectedness, some of us don't feel that same need. Everyone has their own unique social needs when it comes to friendships and familial bonds. Because we're all so different, there's no "normal" standard to compare yourself to.
However, you're not alone in experiencing this period of having no family and no friends. If you're enjoying your isolation, there's no need to change your behavior just to model what's viewed as socially acceptable. But if you're struggling, there could be some physical and mental effects compounding your sense of loneliness. Just know that there are ways to improve your situation!
4 Reasons You Might Have No Family or Friends
Everyone comes to having no family or friends through different means. Understanding how you got to this place can help you decide how you want to move forward.
Mental health diagnoses or symptoms: Various mental health diagnoses can make connecting with others feel incredibly difficult and, at times, impossible, depending on what your specific symptoms are.
Introverted nature: You may find that too much socialization feels exhausting, but you also have a hard time finding others who really get you because of how much the process drains you.
Unhealthy family system: You may have experienced unhealthy attachment patterns growing up and struggle to connect with trustworthy individuals you can rely on.
Loss of friends and family: Your friends and family members may have passed away, leaving you feeling as if you're starting from scratch.
How Does Having No Family and No Friends Affect Your Body?
Linking back to the primal brain, social connectedness is an aspect of the human drive for survival. Social rejection is innately discouraged, as the brain experiences pain equivalent to a physical injury when it is rejected.
Naturally, our brains like to avoid this kind of pain so socializing and "making nice" is further encouraged on an automatic level, making it an important aspect of your basic human needs. Feeling disconnected can lead to stress and mental and physical health issues.
4 Ways to Deal With Having No Family & No Friends
If you're feeling lonely, there are proactive steps you can take to adjust.
Process Your Feelings (Even the Negative Ones)
If you're feeling lonely, you may stir up some negative thoughts about yourself, which can leave you feeling even more disconnected. That disconnection can lead to even more isolation, so the cycle perpetuates. You may experience feelings of not being good enough, being unlovable, and feeling rejected.
It's important to acknowledge the thoughts and feelings you're experiencing. Don't know how? Try this simple four-step process.
Begin with a neutral statement about your social situation. For example, "I don't have any friends or family members."
Next, ask yourself what this means about you. For example, "I'm alone."
Continue to ask yourself what your previous statement means about you. For example, "Being alone means no one wants to connect with me."
Continue reducing these thoughts until you reach a final core feeling, such as "I'm unlovable."
Identifying your negative core beliefs can be draining work, so take your time and be patient with yourself. Negative core beliefs often arise from childhood or early memories and can be very difficult to challenge as they operate on a largely unconscious level.
While you can start identifying your negative core beliefs on your own, you may find unpacking them with a mental health professional particularly helpful.
Related: 44 Being Alone Quotes to Embrace Your Solitude
Reframe Your Negative Feelings
Work on reframing your negative core belief regarding loneliness. For example, instead of, "I have no family or friends," the healthier statement could be, "I'm beginning to examine my difficulties with socializing and/or keeping long-lasting connections and am working towards building healthy relationships."
Whenever the negative thoughts about loneliness start to take over, remind yourself of your healthier statement until it becomes a habit.
Determine if You Feel Lonely or Alone
Loneliness is wanting to connect but being unable to for some reason. Meanwhile, feeling alone means that you don't have connections to other people (or feel internally distant from your connections) for reasons out of your control.
If you're lonely, you may want to take a more proactive approach to connecting with others. Meanwhile, if you feel alone, you may want to do some internal reflection and processing, like we explored before, setting out to make more connections.
Practice Self-Care
On an unconscious level, people tend to attract others in similar states of health. It's why you may gravitate towards people with poor coping skills or unhealthy behaviors when you're feeling down.
Practicing healthy self-care is not only good for your own health and wellness, but it may also draw other emotionally healthy people to you. Take some time to get to know your self-care needs, and keep trying new things until something sticks.
Some of our favorite ways to perform self-care include:
Getting ample sleep
Indulging in a sweet treat
Cleaning up your bedroom or workspace
Sitting outside in nature
Taking a bath after a long day
Lighting aromatic candles or incense
Practicing a hobby
Meditating
Related: Tips for Living Alone as a Female: Real-Life Strategies to Feel Safer
How to Be Happy When You Have No Family or Friends
Happiness may be difficult to describe, but it's not hard to conjure up. It may take time for you to figure out what kinds of socializing you like and how much makes you happy. But, the trial and error process has to start at some point.
To begin exploring what makes you happy:
Take time to grieve your loss. Processing your feelings can help you move forward while taking the time to acknowledge your emotional process.
Understand how often and in what way you'd like to connect with others. Figuring out your needs is a great start in cultivating relationships.
Define what family means to you. Family doesn't have to be blood, and you get to choose who and what you consider your family unit.
Explore activities and opportunities that you feel drawn to. You'll likely have multiple connecting threads to the people drawn to the things you enjoy.
Take time to get to know yourself and your needs. You can't try on other people's expectations and expect them to work for you. Instead, explore what you need.
6 Questions to Help You Understand Your Socialization Needs
Everyone has their own unique socialization needs. While some people feel connected by texting, chatting in online forums, or writing blog posts, others may need to meet up with people to feel connected.
To better understand what your socialization needs look like, ask yourself these questions.
Do you feel connected after chatting with someone via social media?
Do you prefer phone calls or texting?
How long does a fulfilling conversation last, at a minimum?
Do you feel connected to others after posting your work or thoughts online?
Do you feel connected after posting something anonymously?
How do you typically feel after an in-person conversation?
Now, Set Some Personal Socialization Goals
Once you've figured out your social needs, set a few attainable goals for yourself. Here are a few ideas of goals you can set for yourself.
Join an online forum for something you like.
Post in an online forum once a week.
Re-connect with a former friend who you lost touch with.
Join a Discord server.
Participate in an academic or creative class.
Join a book club.
Connect with one new person a week.
Work in a public setting like a coffee shop or library once a week.
Life Isn't Stagnate, and Your Social Connections Aren't Either
Life isn't stagnant, and you'll find that your socialization won't be either. If you've thought deeply and decided you're happy with having no friends and no family, keep doing what you're doing! But if you find yourself wanting to reach out and make more connections, use these tools to help you get started.
