It's (not) raining men: Cape, Islands Big Brothers Big Sisters needs male mentors
HYANNIS — There's been a lot of "firsts" for 15-year-old Demarcus Black, he said, since he started hanging out with "Big Brother" Jonathan Finn in 2019 through the Cape and Islands' Big Brothers Big Sisters program.
During one of their bi-weekly visits on May 22, Black and 65-year-old Finn looked out at the ocean on Kalmus Beach, reminiscing about their adventures together.
In addition to trips to the Cape Cod Mall and to the beach, the duo has also deep-sea fished, visited a potbellied pig at the Cape Cod Adoption Center and rode horses. These are all things Black experienced for the first time, he said.
"I was scared to get on the horse. Like really, really scared. I thought I was going to fly off," said Black, who had a huge smile on his face. "But I held on. I was still scared. But I didn't fall off. Jonathan is always helping me try new things."
The pair is an example of a successful Big Brother match, said Regional Director of Big Brothers Big Sisters Cape Cod and the Islands JR Mell. They've developed a healthy relationship based on guidance, friendship, mentorship and growth, said Mell.
"We want to see more of that throughout our organization. But, unfortunately, we have hundreds of Littles who are waiting for a Big Brother like Jonathan," he said.
Sixty-two children out of 88 that are on the Cape and Islands waitlist are boys, said Mell.
The organization, said Mell, is in crisis, as it struggles to recruit male volunteers to pair with the boys that are waiting. For every one male volunteer, four female volunteers sign up.
'This huge imbalance'
"There's always been a need for male volunteers but we’ve seen the number of boys coming to our program increase over the last year," said Mell. "We are left with this huge imbalance."
Big Brothers Big Sisters serves about 300 kids throughout the Cape and islands, according to its website.
What is keeping men away from the program?
On March 1, Big Brothers Big Sisters launched "Erase the Wait," the largest volunteer recruitment campaign in its 50-year history. The point of the campaign is to bring as many mentors as possible to the program. Since the campaign launched, said Mell, roughly 45 volunteers have stepped forward.
Less than 10 are men.
“In just two weeks, the women of our region have stepped forward in droves for girls on the waitlist,” said Mell. "It's time for the men of our community to step up, volunteer, and meet the need.”
The majority of the boys who are waiting are on the Upper Cape, Wareham and Plymouth and range between age 7 and 14, said Mell. Many of the older boys have "been waiting longer than they should," he said.
“A few hours, twice a month, might not seem like much to you, but for a boy on our waitlist it means everything.” said Mell.
Nationally, the organization's need for Big Brothers persists, said Mell.
"Big Brothers Big Sisters of America is estimating that out of the 30,000 kids waiting for a mentor 70% are boys seeking a Big Brother," said Mell.
What is the time commitment for Big Brothers Big Sisters?
Big Brothers Big Sisters asks volunteers to spend a few hours a month with their Littles, said Mell. Volunteers or "Bigs" are required to commit to a minimum of one year of mentoring. The time commitment depends on the program and activities, but Bigs typically spend four to eight hours per month with their mentee, or "Little."
There are also opportunities for Bigs and Littles to gather for group activities through the organization. On June 1, said Mell, Big Brothers Big Sisters took a group of Bigs and Littles on the organization's yearly deep sea fishing trip. Finn and Black, said Finn, look forward to going every year.
Financially, the activities don't need to cost a thing, said Mell. Bigs and Littles can spend time at playgrounds, the beach, and in parks across the Cape. Mell, who is a Big to a Cape teen, said the only thing Bigs are required to spend is time.
"What makes a difference to these kids is presence," said Mell.
Why did Finn volunteer?
For Finn, it wasn't easy stepping out of his own world and routine to connect with someone else's life, he said. But he had friends who lived in the Boston area that had volunteered. He was encouraged by their positive experiences.
In the last five years, Finn has become a part of Black's extended family, he said.
"We learn together. And it’s a relationship that really matters at both ends," said Finn.
By building trust, Finn said he's also been able to guide Black in a non-parental way.
"I can share whatever experience I’ve seen and relate it to things Demarcus is going through," he said. "Overall, it’s fulfilling."
You're never too old to be a Big
For older men who are on the fence about volunteering and feel they may not be able to connect to youth, Mell said intergenerational matches are relationships that often work best. The average age for a volunteer is 52, and the oldest volunteer is 81.
"So no one is ever too old to make a difference," said Mell.
Being a Big, said Mell, has become one of the most rewarding opportunities he's ever had.
"It's given back tenfold what I put into it," said Mell. "And I've come to learn that it's these simple, everyday things that can open a child's horizon in ways you can't imagine."
Rachael Devaney writes about community and culture. Reach her at rdevaney@capecodonline.com. Follow her on Twitter: @RachaelDevaney.
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This article originally appeared on Cape Cod Times: There aren't enough Big Brothers on Cape Cod. Male volunteers needed.
