Not Sure What to Expect at a Bar Mitzvah? Here's What to Know About the Ceremony and Gifting Traditions
[table-of-contents] stripped
A Bar Mitzvah (for boys) or Bat Mitzvah (for girls) is a cherished rite of passage in the Jewish faith, symbolizing the transition from childhood to adulthood. Alongside this celebration of growth, gifts play a pivotal role.
The gifting traditions that accompany this celebration embody the values of love, support, and commitment to passing on Jewish heritage. They serve as tangible reminders of their unique journey and the path they now tread as full members of their faith community.
If you've been invited to attend this celebration of a young person in your community, you may wonder what or how much to give for a bar mitzvah gift. For this milestone event, the amount of your gift isn't as important as the intention and religious meaning behind it, as your recipient crosses the threshold into a new chapter of life.
What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?
The terms “Bar Mitzvah” and “Bat Mitzvah” translate to “son/daughter of the commandment(s)” in Hebrew. At the heart of these ceremonies are recurrent themes of responsibility and maturity.
When a boy reaches the age of 13 or a girl reaches the age of 12, they are considered spiritually mature within the Jewish faith. They are now accountable for their actions and are encouraged to participate actively in religious rituals, fulfilling the commandments (or mitzvot) that define Jewish life. Traditionally, this marked the age at which Jewish boys were ready to read from the Torah in public, and this ritual has evolved to include both boys and girls, says Daniel Soyer, professor of history at Fordham University.
“In America, the bar/bat mitzvah serves as a kind of confirmation or coming-out party,” Soyer says of those in the liberal branches of Judaism today. “And it serves as a kind of initiation into adolescence, a transition out of childhood.”
The ceremony and its significance
The Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony typically takes place during a synagogue service. In Orthodox communities, this ceremony may differ from more liberal branches. In the former, the young person may be called to read from the Torah, while in the latter, both Torah and Haftarah portions may be chanted. These rituals underscore the individual's new status and responsibilities within their religious community. The ceremony itself often includes blessings, speeches, and expressions of pride from family and congregation members.
As part of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony, a poignant moment occurs when the young individual steps forward to deliver a speech or sermon. The context of these speeches varies, mirroring the diverse nature of Jewish congregations.
Once the young person finishes the blessings after their reading, people might pelt them with candy, not only as a symbolic reward but also to represent the sweetness of Torah study. (The candy is usually grabbed quickly by the younger children present.)
The service is followed by a party, either on the same day or sometime in the following week. These may be extravagant events on par with a sweet sixteen or quinceañera, but they aren't required to be lavish.
“In practice, there's a huge range — from simply treating the congregation to a nice kiddush lunch to a very fancy party with hired entertainment and games for the kids,” says Soyer. “It all depends on the means and taste of the family and the community.”
Gifts symbolize love and support
Gift-giving for a Bar Mitzvah is not only a token of affection but also an embodiment of Jewish values and traditions.
“Gifts are given, like at an American birthday celebration, except that since this is considered a special birthday. The gifts from family members might be more substantial,” says Soyer. “In my congregation, generally, the celebrant receives a prayer book, a book about the Holocaust, and a kind of reference or intro book about Judaism in general.”
Additionally, people may give monetary gifts in the form of cash, checks, or (less frequently) Israel Bonds. Soyer says that any money given at a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is usually saved for the honoree's college expenses.
While there isn't a required amount for how much to give for a Bar Mitzvah, there is one easy guideline to follow: “Many guests opt to give monetary gifts in multiples of 18, as 18 symbolizes 'chai' or 'life' in Jewish tradition,” says Jaye Harrison, founder of Parties Made Personal. Depending on how close you are with the young person, you may choose to give $90, $126, $180, or even more, along with a card that appropriately honors this milestone occasion.
Soyer highlights another meaningful present: a tallit, also known as a prayer shawl. This gift carries the traditional belief that every adult Jew should possess one. Historically, prayer shawls were exclusive to men, symbolizing their spiritual devotion. Other religious items may be given to help the young person on their spiritual path.
“In Orthodox and maybe some Conservative congregations or families, the bar/bat mitzvah might be given tefillin (a set of black leather boxes that contain Hebrew parchment scrolls),” says Soyer. “Again, traditionally, only men don tefillin. But among those few Conservative Jews who put on tefillin, both men and women do. Reform Jews do not generally wear tefillin.”
You Might Also Like
