Is It OK To Bring Your Dog To A Friend’s House?

Two etiquette experts weigh in.

It’s the age-old question. Someone invites you over to their house. You graciously accept, and follow up by asking, “What can I bring?” Unless their answer is “your dog,” then unfortunately, you probably shouldn’t bring Fido along—as cute and cuddly and well-behaved as he or she may be. Over the past few years, I’ve had my fair share of mishaps with friends who have brought their dogs over. Those include, but are not limited to, one throwing up on our rug, one drinking out of our toilet bowl, another eating food off our counters, and more “he or she’s not normally like this,” than I can count. To be clear, I love my friends and I love my friends’ dogs. But the thing I love most about my friends’ dogs is that they’re not mine. That important distinction means that I should get the privilege of giving them all the pets, love, and treats I can, without any of the responsibility (or the mess) spilling over into my own home.

Since I admittedly didn’t grow up with a dog and live in a petless household now, I consulted a few experts to make sure I wasn’t being extra Grinchy on the matter, and they both agreed that unless a furry friend is explicitly invited, it’s best to leave them at home. “It’s perfectly acceptable to bring your pet if the host invited your furry family member,” says national etiquette expert Diane Gottsman. “If you have to ask, it puts the host in an uncomfortable position. Every friend has a different comfort level, and it’s important to be sensitive to their feelings and preferences.”

Meet the Experts

• Diane Gottsman is an internationally renowned etiquette expert, author, speaker, popular media resource, and owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in professional etiquette training.

• Jackie Vernon-Thompson is a certified etiquette expert and the founder and owner of From the Inside-Out School of Etiquette. Jackie is based in Sunrise, Florida.

Is It OK To Ask A Friend To Bring My Dog Over?

Both Gottsman, and Jackie Vernon-Thompson, owner of From the Inside-Out School of Etiquette, agree that it’s not proper to ask a friend if you can bring your dog over because it puts them in an awkward position in which it may be hard for them to answer honestly.

“If they respond with no, it may cause you to feel uncomfortable or even upset because you feel the host is not dog friendly, but that’s not always the case.” Vernon-Thompson says. “The host may be aware that another guest is fearful of dogs or may have an allergy to fur. On the other hand, your request may place the host in a position where they feel compelled to say yes because they don’t want to upset you, even though they ultimately would don’t wish to have your dog over. Either circumstance is far from ideal.”

To avoid this sticky situation, Vernon-Thompson says it’s best to respect the invitation; only those invited should attend the gathering.

What If The Homeowner Also Has A Dog?

If your friend is having a doggie birthday party for her pride and joy, then 100% bring your four-legged companion to join in on the festivities. But if it’s just an everyday human hangout, then you shouldn’t assume your dog is invited—even in a pet-friendly home. Though your fellow pet parent may be able to sympathize with how hard it is to leave your pup at home, that doesn’t mean they have an open-door policy for other people's dogs. “Not all pets get along and it may be stressful for one or both pets” Gottsman says. “It could even be dangerous if there’s an altercation.”

Can I Ask To Leave My Dog In A Friend’s Backyard?

This one’s a little trickier since I have myself offered this as a middle-ground solution to friends who have asked to bring their dogs over. Vernon-Thompson contends that the same rule applies to hosting a friend’s dog in your backyard: “It may force the host to make accommodations in the backyard for your dog.” On the other hand, Gottsman says you should think about what’s best for your dog. “You have to ask yourself if your dog would be happier in someone’s backyard, where they are in unfamiliar surroundings, or if they be more content at home in their own cozy little bed, or on their favorite chair where you both sit and watch TV.”

Related: Invisible Etiquette Rules That Southerners Practice Every Day

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