"That Was Six Years Ago, And I'm Still Hurting": People Are Revealing The Red Flags They Shouldn't Have Ignored In Their Relationships, And It's Devastating
Reddit user u/opticfawn recently posed the question, "What's the biggest red flag you ignored?" The thread quickly filled with hundreds of responses, most of which centered around relationship red flags people regretfully overlooked. Here are some of the most striking:
Warning: Post contains mention of unhealthy and abusive relationships.
1."Blaming me for things that I had no effect on. She got a bad grade on a quiz because I helped her study. She blamed me for her dropping her laptop because I was in another room doing my own thing and couldn't hear what she was saying, so she had to get up off the couch, which led to the dropping of the laptop. She blamed me for her not being prepared for a presentation at work because I had a work event instead of 'being there for her' (which meant just sitting there on the couch next to her while she put it together). She blamed me for her backing into a pole in a parking lot because I didn't pick her up from work. So many more, but nothing was ever her fault."
2."When my ex left his plate on the table after eating and told me it’s because his mom used to clean up his plates and silverware after dinner for him. 🥴🥴🥴"
3."He still lived with his 'ex'-girlfriend. She wasn’t his ex. He was dating both of us at the same time. He gave me this big sob story about how he had nowhere to live. I was so naive, I believed him."
4."She actively pushed me to propose and got really upset when I didn’t. I threw her a huge surprise birthday party and coordinated it with all her friends and family for months. The next day, she got mad at me and started crying because I didn’t propose. Then, she did the same thing every significant holiday event for the next six months — Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, the end of January, Valentine's Day, Easter, Memorial Day, etc. She literally pushed me to the brink of sanity with the stress involved. That was six years ago, and I’m still hurting from the whole process of it.
5."One of the first few times I was over at his place, he got drunk and CRIED while telling me how much he missed what he and his ex had. 🙄🙄 Yeah, I'm an idiot."
6."He followed me across the country when I tried to break up with him. I was young and naive and thought it was sweet, as opposed to possessive and controlling. It's a year I won't get back, but I'm finally in therapy 20 years later and he can kiss my arse. Karma was kind, though. I since see he had to buy a bride, who also left him. No one's falling for his games now."
7."I once dated someone who confided in me that she hadn’t really ever had a long-term relationship. She had a pattern of relationships lasting for about two months, and she would often jump from relationship to relationship. So, she had decided to take an extended break from dating to work on herself. I was the first person she dated after that break. I figured, whatever, I’ll give her a shot. She was open about it and self-reflective, and people can change. Plus, I liked her."
"She wasn’t a bad person, but she also wasn’t a great partner. She never really expressed appreciation or desire for me, never offered to pay for dates, and I never felt pursued. After weeks of dating, being intimate, and going to each other's apartments, I randomly logged back into the dating app that we had met on and it showed she was still active. We never had an exclusivity talk, so she wasn’t necessarily doing anything wrong, but this was long after we met. If she was still looking, it told me a lot about how 'into me' she was. The final nail in the coffin was that she kept cancelling dates, sometimes the day-of. To be fair, she was pretty busy with work and studying for a professional license, but after the third time she cancelled a date without offering a time to reschedule, plus not wanting to talk on the phone, I called it off. I noticed we were right around the two-month mark."
8."Lied about his age. Turns out those missing years were spent in prison."
9."She rage-quit every relationship she had ever had. I was her last friend, so I thought she would hang on to me. Nope."
10."She was such a sore loser. Like, she'd toss the cards if she was losing at a card game or smash and smear all the letters around if she was losing at Scrabble. It escalated from there, as she would literally corner me in a room and tear into me for something I said. I left once as she went to the bathroom, mid-tirade. She ran down two floors of her apartment's parking garage in pajamas and slippers to stop me. Oh, and neither of her own kids would talk to her. Her parents and sister didn't speak with her either. I just thought I could make it work because everyone has sore points and triggers. But, I was so relieved when she left."
11."He never apologized for anything, even stuff that was 100% his fault. I'd have to apologize for everything, even stuff out of my control."
12."He hated animals. I can totally understand when people are not fans of pets or don’t want to have any, but hating animals...🚩🚩🚩🚩."
13."My ex-wife was dating someone else when we met. We never crossed the line, but the way she treated him made me kind of uncomfortable. When she finally broke up with him to be with me, I even confronted her about it, and she said she would never do that to me. Surprise! We divorced because she was a serial cheater. I'm the dummy who thought it was husbandly to trust his wife's word. We were married for 12 years."
14."She went through a box of old pictures and found pictures of my high school girlfriend. It was seven years after high school and that breakup. She then proceeded to cut her out of every single picture."
15."He never argued or said what he really wanted. I went mad trying to figure it out and bent over backwards to try and make him happy. I then realized that that was the whole point and the reason he refused to say anything. He wanted to make me do everything I could for him, and when it all went wrong, he could blame me because he never said he wanted it in the first place."
16."He got arrested on our first date."
17."Keeping an emotional distance. It's hard to notice when you're smitten, but it's a huge red flag when they keep you at arm's length, but close enough so you don't feel neglected."
18."My girlfriend at the time, while talking about manipulating someone, said, 'I just always know what to say to make someone feel how I want.' She hesitated, then looked over to me and said, 'But I don’t do that to you because I care about you too much.' This was pretty late in the relationship’s life, so I think she just barely cared to hide it anymore. I was heavily mentally checked out, and accepted this excuse without a second word. I did 100% notice it, deep inside myself, and I still remember the pang of self hatred."
19."When the person I was seeing would never introduce me to their friends or family."
20."He'd constantly mention every woman he found attractive — whether it be a celebrity or someone from a TV show or movie. None of them resembled me."
21."'I'm not in a good place to be in a relationship.' Yeah, I probably should have listened to that one."
22."Love-bombing from the very beginning. He also told me that he loved me one week in."
23."My ex-boyfriend used to tell me how much he wanted to have sex with other people (my sister, my friends, his friends, etc.) while we were being intimate."
24.Finally: "'I'm jealous of you.' I should've run then and there."
These anecdotes break my heart. I hope everyone was able to find peace and happiness.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
