Humor: An honest job post from a company seeking the perfect creative candidate
If only employers were truthful about their insane requirements
Who we're looking for
Are you someone with experience but not the right kind, according to our narrow definitions? Looking for all the responsibility you can (or can't) handle? Either way, we're ready to give you some responsibility if you can prove you're the perfect candidate for the job.
You need to be passionate about being part of a team that lacks team players. What does that mean? It means we've got all the hats you could ask for, baby! You need to look in the mirror and not say, "I don't think I should be wearing these ten hats." You MUST be the kind of person who says, "I look amazing in all these. In fact, I'll just step over here and grab another."
If you are intelligent, energetic, college-educated, and have debt so extreme that you will take any job to pay it off, then welcome. This is the job for you.
You can handle all tasks without letting your ego get in the way. This means you may be tidying up the website one day and cleaning the bathroom the next. Don't look at this as some marker of status. There is no such thing as a lowly job, just low-paid workers.
Speaking of which…
Compensation (if you want to call it that)
You know what they say. With great responsibility comes a tiny paycheck.
Seriously though, don't expect much. You're lucky you're getting anything since college kids with mom and dad's money will do this job for free.
You know what? We want you to tell us how much you think we should pay you. That way, we can knock out all those fake creatives who are only in it for the money. We didn't become a startup flush with cash by catering to the whims of those candidates. If you're one of them, try McDonald's. That's more your speed. We're making magic here, not fast food.
If you're interested in applying, do the following promptly despite the fact we won't get back to you for maybe a month if you hear from us at all
1. Sign this NDA because everything we do here is too valuable to be public.
2. Complete the sample project so we can see that you know how to do the work. It's not working for free. It's working to show that you can work. See the difference?
3. Pass the initial interview. We prefer to do it person-to-person at the most inconvenient time possible. However, if it must be remote, we'll ask you to use the newest communication software you must download right before the interview. I hope you like troubleshooting tech problems while your interviewer silently judges you. Don't worry! That was a joke. We have fun here.
4. Attend the second interview. You will sit in the same room with your competition as we force you to fight for the one opening for which you are all overqualified.
5. Participate in a death match with the other final candidate. Seems inhumane? Then, I guess you don't have what it takes to be a content creator at this company, so move along.
6. Sign a contract with a thousand clauses that we will use against you if you even hint that something is wrong with our pay or work culture.
What are you waiting for?
We're excited to hear from all the creative spirits out there! Please don't hesitate to share this post with your job-hungry or just hungry-hungry friends.
Writing dumb things to make you laugh