You’ve Heard the Term, but What Does ‘Nonbinary’ Mean?
When it comes to the LGBTQ+ community and labels, it can be daunting not knowing what certain words and terms mean. People within the community are always learning, so it’s understandable that people who aren’t gay might not be as up-to-date on what words mean too. And one label that might be confusing or awkward to ask someone about is “nonbinary.”
While the label isn’t all that confusing, it’s always important to learn about others especially if you’re unfamiliar with them. So, whether you’re a member of the queer community or you are trying to educate yourself on a blind spot of yours when it comes to what nonbinary means, we’ve got you covered. Read on to find out more about nonbinary people, what it means and why someone might identify as nonbinary.
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What does nonbinary mean?
Typical queer labels that most people might know are terms like “gay,” “lesbian,” bisexual” or “transgender,” among others. But where does “nonbinary” fit in with all of that? As GLAAD wrote, non-binary is a word people use to identify outside the gender binary. This means that if a person identifies as nonbinary, they’re identifying as a person that isn’t a man or a woman.
As the National Center for Transgender Equality wrote, someone who’s nonbinary might feel like a blend of the two “main” genders of male and female, or they see themselves as a completely different gender or as having no gender at all.
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Who is a nonbinary person?
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There are so many labels and identities within the LGBTQ+ community and they all refer to different things. While terms like gay and lesbian are sexualities, transgender and non-binary are about gender identity. So, someone can be a lesbian—a woman who is attracted to other women or non-men—and cis-gendered, meaning that they identify as the gender they were assigned at birth. But someone else could be a nonbinary lesbian, meaning that they also are only attracted to women and non-men, but they themselves don't necessarily identify as a woman or as a specific gender at all.
And even though "transgender" and "nonbinary" are terms that relate to someone’s gender identity, they’re not the same thing. The National Center for Transgender Equality reported that “most” transgender don’t identify as non-binary, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t. And vice versa; some non-binary people also identify as transgender. But just remember, they’re two separate things.
Transgender people identify as a different gender than the one they were assigned at birth.
Nonbinary people don’t identify with a specific gender or at least not female or male.
There also might be a preconceived notion that nonbinary people look a certain way, but that's not true. Non-binary people don't owe you androgyny and they might present more femme or masc depending on who they are. That's why it's great to never assume anything about someone you just met.
Do all nonbinary people use they/them pronouns?
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Nope! Pronouns are not designated to specific genders or gender identities (hence why it's a good idea to ask someone what pronouns they use when you meet them).
A non-binary person can choose to use she/her or he/him pronouns, even if those pronouns correlate to the gender they were assigned at birth. They're still 100% valid. A non-binary person can also choose to use they/them, but it's not a requirement to being non-binary.
They/them pronouns can also be used by people who don't identify as non-binary, but still don't want to fully identify with she/her or he/him. And some nonbinary people will use they/she or they/he. Everyone chooses to label themselves differently.
Is non-binary a sexuality?
Again, non-binary is a label that has to do with someone’s gender identity, not their sexuality. While nonbinary people are members of the queer community, every nonbinary person has a different way of labeling their sexuality (if they even label it at all). Like with our previous example, someone could be nonbinary and a lesbian while another could just use the label “queer.” Asking or noting how someone labels themselves is an important step in getting to know them.
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Is it spelled nonbinary or non-binary?
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You’ve probably noticed there's a non-hyphenated version of the word “nonbinary,” as well as the hyphenated version; both are correct. "Non-binary" means the same thing as "nonbinary" and it really is just a preference whether you choose one or the other. We use them interchangeably throughout Parade.
Other labels that fall under the nonbinary umbrella include genderqueer, agender, bigender, genderfluid and more. However, not everyone who uses these terms always identifies as nonbinary. Again, it’s important to ask or take note of how someone labels themselves before putting a label on them that they don’t use for themselves.
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How to know if you’re nonbinary?
There are so many great resources to help you figure out how you identify if you’re unsure. As the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) wrote, it’s more than okay to “explore” your gender identity and how you express gender as well. In doing so, if you feel like you don’t fit in with the gender you were assigned at birth, but maybe you don’t feel like you fit in with either female or male genders, you just might feel better identifying as nonbinary.
Again, the HRC has a fantastic transgender and non-binary FAQ page with a lot of great answers for questioning individuals including how to know if you’re nonbinary and how to come out once you figure it out. And if someone you love just came out as nonbinary, there are great suggestions for how to support them as well.
Next up, if you want to continue learning about nonbinary people and the queer community, check out the 29 best LGBTQ+ books for adults in 2023.
