Deaths of friends and fellow Marines led Wichita veteran to attempt suicide, write a book

Editor’s note: This story contains stories of suicide and may be upsetting for some readers

WICHITA, Kan. (KSNW) — Aaron Childress was motivated to join the Marines after the attacks on America on 9/11. However, his military career was dragged down by a series of injuries and multiple deaths of friends within the Marine Corps that led him to attempt suicide.

Imagine signing up to serve your country and, in a short period of time, building a brotherhood with your fellow Marines in boot camp and in Basic Training.

Now, imagine losing nearly all of those Marines you grew close to and a few other close friends, too, all within a matter of months.

This happened to Childress. The series of losses and feelings of despair, sadness, depression, and responsibility washed over him. Soon, he wondered if his best option was to kill himself.

“I wanted to be a Marine when I was little because my dad was a Marine. So when 9/11 happened, you know, the world was kind of weird for a few days,” said Childress. “We were shut down, and we didn’t know what was going on. We were all confused and hurt.”

“You look at the scope of who there was to pick, and there was the Navy, Army, Air Force, and Marines, and I wanted the one that was going to do damage,” he said.

Childress was sent to Parris Island, South Carolina, for boot camp and basic training.

“I finished infantry school. I had all my friends there. We were all going to K Bay (Kaneohe Bay) together. Well, my recruiter back home found out about that, and I was supposed to go to this Fast Company thing, and I didn’t know that. It’s like an anti-terrorism thing,” explained Childress. “All my friends go to K Bay, and I was pretty, pretty broken up over that because we had been like a tight-knit group.”

“That is actually where things fell apart. Not too long later, every single one of my friends that went to K Bay was killed in a helicopter accident. It was January 26, 2005,” he said.

Newspaper headlines dubbed it “The Deadliest Day In Iraq.” There were 31 U.S. troops aboard a CH 53 Sea Stallion helicopter were killed in Al-Anbar province, Iraq.

“You know, I saw like St. Cern, and Kelly, and these guys, and Gordon, and Smith, and I was like, nah…,” Childress pauses as his head lowers and begins to break down. “I would’ve been with those guys.”

“My first friend died in November (2004). My second friend died in December (2004), and then those guys died in January (2005), and it just really seemed to spiral out of control after that,” he said.

Childress also lost a good friend, his roommate Bradley, in a car accident.

“When you have multiple stacked on stacked nearly two dozen, just violent, horrific deaths. I don’t think anybody’s able to do that,” he said.

U.S. Army demolitions specialist survived four IED explosions in Iraq & Afghanistan

During this same time, Childress was laid up at a naval hospital recovering from multiple surgeries to repair injuries to his leg and a ruptured Achilles.

“And then that’s when I had the first sort of ideations you would call them now of I just want to kill myself,” he said.

Shortly after Childress was discharged from the Marines in 2005, he lost another friend.

“You don’t really have an answer for it, but you have this seed of suicide in your mind of ‘maybe I should just kill myself,'” he said. “And then, Twiggs does. What he did was, he and his brother, he killed his brother and shot himself.”

Childress started to contemplate his own exit.

“I just wasn’t capable of love. I wasn’t somebody who was capable of loving other people, and here I am in a marriage with kids, and I didn’t take care of this when I could’ve taken care of it,” he said. “And now I’m ruining a family. That’s what led to me walking into the garage and hanging myself.”

“Obviously, I was found and taken down and taken to the hospital. I have lasting damage from it,” he said.

Neuroscientists, doctors, and researchers from across the country lined up to talk to the Marine who survived his own suicide attempt. Childress picked and prodded. He was booked to address classes and corporations from one end of the country to the other.

“Yeah, I’ve been traveling around the country for over 10 years. I just – I can’t even tell you how many places I’ve gone and spoken to,” he said.

“I have buried more buddies than I’ve celebrated birthdays for myself,” he says to a group during a discussion on a college campus. “Basically, every state. They brought me to California, D.C., just name it. I’ve been there.”

Childress wrote a book about what he learned after he killed himself. It’s called “These Thousands of Days: This is What I Learned After I Killed Myself.” He shared the one thing he’s learned since his suicide attempt back in 2012:

“The biggest thing that I’ve learned in 12 years of doing this is that you absolutely have to love people. Unconditionally and non-judgmental,” he said.

Childress continues to work in crisis counseling. He figures he’s taken at least 2,000 calls from veterans considering suicide. A documentary about his story is in the works, as well as a feature film based on his second book, which is complete but hasn’t been released.

Whether it’s for a family member, friend, co-worker, or for yourself, there is help out there for anyone needing help with mental health. Click here for a list of local resources.

If you want to nominate a veteran for our Veteran Salute, email KSN reporter Jason Lamb at jason.lamb@ksn.com.

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