Embracing a new future at the New Opportunity School for Women

Mar. 28—In the heart of Berea, women are finding their voices and distancing themselves from histories they wish to leave behind.

In a true show of resilience, they gather their things and engage in deep self-care at a retreat unlike any other.

At the New Opportunity School for Women (NOSW), these lessons will follow them forever and allow them to forge new paths for themselves and the people they love.

A new opportunity

The NOSW was founded by Jane Stephenson, wife of then-president of Berea College, John Stephenson, in 1987 to empower Appalachian women of Kentucky to overcome barriers in their day-to-day lives.

To this day, the program provides free education, career training, and personal development support to women in Appalachia who face financial barriers.

Twice a year, women from all walks of life converge upon NOSW for a free two-week residential program. Within this supportive community, participants forge bonds, cultivate self-esteem, and acquire vital skills. From classes on entrepreneurship to discussions on healthy relationships and Appalachian heritage, the curriculum is designed to equip women with the tools they need to thrive.

For many, NOSW is a lifeline in the face of daunting challenges such as trauma, addiction, and economic instability.

Jennifer Walden, who graduated from the program in 2015, joined the NOSW following the loss of her job at a local restaurant on Adams St.

Walden's journey is emblematic of the program's transformative power. Rediscovering her inner strength, she seized the opportunity to pursue her long-deferred dream of a college degree.

"When the coffee shop closed down, I was really just distraught," she said. "I really put a lot of my self-worth into that position, and when I lost the position, I really spiraled into depression. and we struggled financially and with food security. and I blamed myself a lot because I didn't have work at that time."

She realized that, in the quickness and worry of everyday life, she'd allowed her "inner critic" to isolate her and convince her to put off her dreams of completing her college degree.

"Coming here, I realized that I do have the tools within me to go back to college. I don't have to be scared of writing those papers. Why did I let 20 years go by without completing a dream of mine? So it really put some fire in my belly and pep in my step," she said.

Before the sun went down on Walden's first day home from the program, she completed her application to Berea College.

Today, Walden pays it forward as a dedicated staff member at NOSW, helping others harness their resilience and rewrite their stories.

One of the key things Walden hopes women take from the program is the ability to "be that light that they need within themselves."

"I definitely recognize the culture that many Appalachian women experience and going home to the generational traumas that stymie their growth. So keeping that inner motivation going is really important," she noted.

She argues that this is especially important since society expressed that women and femininity are "second-class" to men and masculine traits.

"We live in a society that honors and values, male qualities and characteristics, much more than female feminine qualities and characteristics. So we internalize a lot of those negative stereotypes and messages and believe them for ourselves, we set a ceiling for ourselves many times," she explained, adding that understanding gives the NOSW the ability to empathize and transition women into an empowerment mindset.

"They're not exactly true, and we don't have to buy into them," she remarked.

Her sentiment is echoed by Crystal Burton, another alumna turned advocate, who found her voice and purpose through the program.

The NOSW gave Burton a leg up in shedding her struggling past history with abuse and alcoholism for a vibrant career helping other women like her.

She explained that she really learned who she was in the program, going from being "whoever she needed to be" to being a "fierce advocate for those who can't advocate for themselves."

"I became a chameleon," Burton said. "I'm going to become whatever it is that you need me to be because I need you to love me. So I lost myself. You know, I don't know that I really ever knew who Crystal truly was because I was so good at faking it."

She continued, "Coming in here, being in that room with like-minded women, with women who had struggled like I had or in similar ways that I had... we're all sharing our stories, we're learning all of these tools, and then I had my aha moment. I had the answer of who Crystal was, and I was not going to let it go."

Now, she lives life with further purpose, using her experiences as a survivor to help other women find their power and purpose.

"I was going to continue to grow and I was going to fight and I was going to be the best version of myself that I could be so that my daughter would never have to walk the path of despair that I walked, I refuse to let that continue," she declared.

Breaking generational trauma

Burton views women as the center of the family, which is, in part, why she feels that it's important for women to work on themselves. It allows them to be happy for themselves and their families, which can be so difficult to make time for since they do so much for their families.

"We cook, we clean, we nurture, we're doctors, we're therapists...but we never take care of ourselves. Coming here, you realize that you have to fill your cup because you cannot pour from an empty cup," she said.

She added, "Everybody looks up to the woman in the family, whether they realize it or not. We are the glue that holds that foundation together. and when they see that change in you, they will follow you."

Burton further argues that the impact of NOSW extends beyond individual transformation, permeating the fabric of families and communities. Her own family serves as a testament to this ripple effect, with her sister and mother following in her footsteps to seek personal growth and empowerment.

Burton aptly observed, as a program manager and family-oriented person, witnessing loved ones undergo profound transformations serves as a powerful reminder of the inherent strength and resilience within each individual.

The program had a "pollinator effect" on her family, she said, with one bee spreading healing pollen from flower to flower, speaking a bright message and healing.

"The pollinators... you take it back with you, and you spread it. and so we're breaking those generational traumas, no matter how big or small the impact is, it will always grow," she said.

Burton said she gained a new understanding of the relationships within her family.

For example, Burton said of her younger sister, "I realized that while we grew up in the same home, we experienced things differently. We could have been sitting in the same room when something happened. and my perspective on it's totally different than her perspective."

Alternatively, Tiffany said, in addition to feeling closer to her sister and mother, she learned to be more open with her sister and to be less afraid of judgment.

"I have more confidence in myself since graduating from the program, I don't get discouraged as easily when somebody tells me no; I just kind of push forward and keep going. I don't want a lot of things to hold me back anymore like I used to. I've learned how to let go of anger and resentment, and stop blaming myself," she explained.

This change did not go unnoticed. The girls' mother, Lillie, said she could see it when the girls would call her.

"Every day they'd call me, I'd watch them light up," she said.

It wasn't long before she joined herself, seeking her own change.

"I've been put down so much," she said. "I didn't see myself as a strong woman before coming. I used to let people run over me."

However, Lillie said the program has allowed her to let herself "open" and finally believe in herself.

Burton noted she's closer than ever with her mother, saying, "After I had my daughter and me and my mom's relationship changed a lot. Because becoming a mom, you get to see that you get to see the struggles that your mom went through in a lot of ways, right? Like you appreciate your mother and a lot of different ways."

According to Tiffany, everything going on within herself and her family is all "still a work in progress."

"It doesn't happen overnight — nothing happens overnight," she remarked.

Crystal, who has seen many women come through the program said there's something "special" about seeing your family do so.

"Seeing your mom and seeing your sisters...somebody that you truly have seen them struggle wholeheartedly, somebody you've known your whole life, adapt. That's so huge," she said.

"I knew my mom was a strong woman and I knew my sisters were strong. We're strong women, and I knew all the women that are coming through here have the capability and potential of being so strong and purposeful and who they are," Burton said.

According to Burton "it's never too late" to come to the NOSW.

She commented, "It doesn't show that you're weak. When you ask for help. It shows that you're very strong when you ask for help."

Learn more about the NOSW at https://nosw.org/.