Prostate Cancer: Not Solely a 'Man's Disease'

Prostate cancer has long been thought of as a "man's disease." And while it's a simple anatomical fact that women will never have to worry about receiving their own prostate cancer diagnosis, they still very much share in the burden of the disease when a partner is diagnosed. When anyone is diagnosed with cancer, it affects everyone who loves them. The disease and its treatment(s) can have a significant impact on everyday lifestyle, quality of life and both physical and emotional well-being. Of course, in the case of prostate cancer, the man will be directly affected by these changes -- and this is in no way meant to downplay the life changes that will be required -- but the women in their lives, experiencing everything alongside of them, can have the world as they know it turned upside down, too.

[See: What Only Your Partner Knows About Your Health.]

A prostate cancer diagnosis can be mentally devastating for both the patient and his partner and as treatment begins, many of these men's spouses naturally assume the role of primary caregiver. Responsibilities not only include making sure her loved one is as happy and healthy as possible, but also managing doctor's visits, accompanying him to appointments, handling health insurance and keeping other friends and family updated. This can pile on the stress, as someone who may need emotional support is all of a sudden in charge of supplying it for someone else.

In addition to emotional hardship, as men begin radiation, hormone therapy or even undergo a prostatectomy, there are physical changes that can result from these treatments. If you are both partner and caregiver, you may witness your loved one suffering from fatigue, frailty and toileting problems -- both urinary and bowel -- as well as possible erectile dysfunction, or a loss in sex drive or ability. How will the dynamic of the relationship change when there are now barriers or challenges to expressing sexual intimacy, a major building block in intimate partnerships? These side effects can challenge a man's masculinity, and transitioning into seeing your loved one in this vulnerable state is sometimes filled with sadness and heartache. Assisting your partner with things like toileting can be uncomfortable for both partners and bring about feelings of embarrassment for anyone. Being a caregiver also means handling how your loved one feels about you taking on this responsibility, and figuring out how to emotionally resolve it in a mutually beneficial way.

Worrying about the role change in relationships, women may feel that they have to be strong for their partners, and therefore are unable to share the burden of the disease. Not feeling comfortable to talk freely with their partners as they may have been used to in the past can put an added strain on the relationship and lead to feelings of isolation and the fear of being alone, even within the relationship.

[See: 10 Lessons From Empowered Patients.]

Watching someone you love deal with prostate cancer can put you through a real and long range of emotions, and that's normal. But you need to remember to address and deal with them in a healthy way so your health doesn't suffer as a result. It's impossible to care for someone else when you put yourself on the back burner, both physically and emotionally.

Here are some tips that can aid you through your experience and help you provide the best level of support not only for your loved one, but for yourself, as well:

-- Educate yourself on everything there is to know about the disease, what it means, what treatment brings and what is to come. Go along to doctor appointments and take notes. Ask questions. The more comfortable you feel beforehand, the less element of surprise is coming your way later, and the more prepared you'll be to deal with whatever comes your way.

-- Join a support group. Discussing your feelings with others who are going through the same experience can help you decompress and express your emotions -- without worrying about stressing your partner. Talking to someone else who can relate to you can help minimize the feelings of isolation, and it gives you a safe outlet to vent if you're angry, scared or upset. Even if it's just one other person you can confide in or vent to, take advantage of that relationship for your own emotional health.

-- Communicate with your partner. During this process, you'll see a side of vulnerability in each other that you may not have experienced before, and that's OK. Redefine roles, expand borders and listen to each other's feelings without judgments.

[See: 14 Ways Caregivers Can Care for Themselves.]

Caring for a loved one with prostate cancer is a lot to take on, but the right preparation and communication can make your new role easier to manage and set you and hopefully your partner up for success.

S. Adam Ramin, M.D., is a board-certified urologist and founder and medical director of Urology Cancer Specialists in Los Angeles. He is on staff at prestigious medical centers such as City of Hope National Medical Center and Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, where he performs robotic laparoscopic prostatectomy. As an expert in prostate cancer and robotic laparoscopic prostatectomy, Dr. Ramin has published numerous peer review articles and research papers on prostate cancer. He has trained numerous urologists in techniques of minimally invasive laparoscopy and robotic surgery. Dr. Ramin has performed over 1,500 laparoscopic and robotic procedures for prostate, kidney and bladder cancers, and he provides patients curative surgery that is extremely precise, preserves sexual function, has minimal blood loss, minimal pain and quick recovery. Visit his website or connect with him on Facebook or Twitter.