I use she/they pronouns, and a co-worker asked me why. Here’s what I said | Opinion
A colleague recently asked me: “What’s the deal with pronouns and why do they matter in the workplace?”
They asked with kindness and curiosity because I openly use she/they pronouns, and as a member of the queer community and a professional committed to fostering cultural exchange, I often get questions about pronoun usage.
I welcome this important question because I can provide an answer that comes from a place of lived truth.
Opinion
We use pronouns all the time without thinking about it (referring to people as “he,” “she” or “they” in place of their name, for example). For many people, the pronouns others use for them fit their gender assigned at birth. But there are people who prefer to identify themselves with different pronouns.
Knowing and using people’s pronouns are a simple way to show support to your colleagues regardless of whether you fully understand their gender identity. In my case, I present as feminine and people may assume that I use she/her pronouns. For me, that’s OK, but using they/them would be more validating to me.
Some people may find it weird to use “they” as a singular, but you most likely use it every day in conversation when talking generally about a person who may be unknown. “Who left their sweater on the chair?” sounds quite normal.
A Pew Research study from 2021 showed that 26% of Americans say they know someone who wants to be addressed with gender-neutral pronouns such as “they” — up from 18% in 2018. The majority of those who use gender-neutral pronouns were under 30 years old. As more millennials and Gen-Zers enter the workforce, those numbers will continue to increase, especially as more businesses commit to fostering inclusive environments.
Why pronouns matter
Fostering inclusivity positively affects a company’s bottom line. A recent SAP article details how a workforce in which pronouns are shared and used shows higher levels of individual and organizational performance from higher morale and productivity.
Getting comfortable using pronouns like they/them can feel new, and that’s OK — it can take practice. For many, including myself, when a supervisor or colleague uses my pronouns correctly, it is a sign of respect and it promotes the well-being of everyone in the group. It’s a signal that all are welcome.
I recently overheard a colleague refer to me using gender-neutral pronouns and it told me three things: This is a safe person and an ally. I have the right to be acknowledged for who I am. And my employer has created an atmosphere of inclusion.
Steps you can take at work
The work of inclusion is a journey that should be taken with care and moderation. Pronoun use should always remain optional (we never want to force someone to “out” themselves if they do not feel safe or comfortable doing so). Though increasing, the percentage of trans and gender non-conforming people who feel safe enough to share their gender identity at work remains low, so mandating the sharing of pronouns could be threatening to some.
Instead, consider giving employees the option to use their pronouns in their email signature; when welcoming someone new, share your own pronouns, as a gentle indicator that you care; and introduce yourself with your name and pronouns.
What if someone changes their pronouns?
To me, this is the most important thing of all: We are all working on becoming who we are truly meant to be in this world. That can mean someone’s pronouns change, just as someone’s last name may change.
Change happens for all of us for myriad reasons. We’re all doing the best we can, and our colleagues deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. We are all on our own journey of growth and self-reflection.
Kai Ventura is a learning facilitator in SAFE Credit Union’s Talent Development Department, where they conduct workshops that build culture and help employees level up, with topics such as self-awareness, leadership, credit union operations and diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging.
